For those that care to notice, I briefly put a message on my Google Chat profile that said, "l o s t . . ."
I'm not sure why I put it there. Maybe it was a cry for help. There really is no help anyone can offer because I don't have a specific problem. In fact, you could argue that I am nearly problem-less. I am the antithesis of problematic. Life couldn't get any better. People envy my life. I've got the perfect job. The perfect kids. The perfect nanny. And I've got The Wife. Seriously, could you ask for anything more?
Well, since you asked - yes you could.
My whole life has been structured. High school. College. Well, okay. That one didn't start out all that structured, which is why I dropped out and joined the Army. Back to structure. Back to college. Med school. Army. Internship. Residency. Germany. Washington. Lieutenant Colonel.
And now I'm out of the Army, I am adrift on a sea of structureless perfection. I get up. I go to work. I come home. Wash, rinse and repeat. This is such a foreign concept to me that I don't know what to do. Well, technically that's not true. In the absence of structure, I go looking for it. Lately, I have been contacting recruiters to see if perhaps I should go into the Reserves. Or maybe back on Active Duty. Today I had a lengthy discussion with a Navy recruiter. How does Commander Chako sound? A helluva lot better than Commander Riker if you ask me.
You see, I need structure in my life. Something to look forward to. Some guiding hand that leads me around. I'm restless. Why can't it be like it was when someone else decided my fate?
As it turns out, the hands of fate may have a little twist in store for the Chako household. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the one year anniversary of my father's death is this week. Perhaps it's no coincidence that as I hovered my mouse over my "l o s t . . ." message, it drifted over my sister's icon, which happens to be showing a picture of my dad.
Whatever the reason for the uncertainty, I find myself extremely excited at the unknown. I'm fond of the saying, "It all works out in the end." I really believe it. It's time to test the theory.
11 comments:
I think you should have bought the Ferrari -- even though it had the spotty maintenance record. Starting to look like the cheap/easy solution.
Humm, passing youth behind to the point of obvious. Deep thought. Self review. Humm, what to call it...Mid-life watchamacallit? Close... Need to find something emphasizing middle age on the close horizon.
And, Doc, you'd look like a dork in bell bottoms. Trust me I'm part of the 60's.
Now you have to know....
This has seriously got my attention. Do NOT make me come out there!
I sense an e-mail in our future.
(not so subtle hint!)
My brother...
I know you are approaching the day that you dread and that lack of organization frustrates you to no end.
I want you to take a deep breath now and close your eyes (Ok you can peek back here to read your next line)
I want you to visualize the joy you have being at home with your wonderful children. Playing guitar to them as they go to sleep. Able to hug them each day.
I want you to see the woman of your life next to you every day.
Finally I want you to visualize your dad giving you the largest smile ever. Because he was, is, and forever will be proud of what you have done, doing and will do now and forever.
If you get bored, you can hit up hospitals in my area (Room and hospitality included). We are the top 10% for hospital care in the nation.
Or if you need to talk, you have my number.
Your friend,
Sean
Why not Just go back on active duty, finish your 20, and retire.
something tells me you'll figure it out.
pics of the hand are up btw...
The thought of going back on AD is on my mind a lot.
-DrC
Ah yes...going back to the good old days of peeing on demand in front of complete strangers while they stick thier heads directly in your business to make sure you aren't sneakily trying to put someone elses pee in the cup.
My Dearest Brother, Ok my only brother,
I debated whether or not to write this in an email or to post it here on your blog. Then I figured that if you can either help someone or be helped by this blog than this is the perfect venue.
You have a couple of enormous holes in your life. Calderas of nothingness formed at the loss of our father and at the loss of the structure the military can provide.
Yes you have a full and wonderful life and an amazing family but you feeling like you are constantly teetering on the edge of the hole and are therefore off balance. Being off balance is not something you are accustomed to.
You have choices to make. You can take up a shovel and try and refil the caldera by going back into the military but that hole can never be refilled and you will live in fear because you know, in your heart of hearts, that it will eventually collapse again.
Or, you can step back from the edge onto the safe ground that is your loving family and fantastic life. Not enough people in this world have safe ground to step back onto. You are lucky and wonderful. But you are coping with drastic change.
Step back, and gather your balance and start a new adventure from a place of strength. And take comfort knowing that you will always have safe ground to land on.
I love you.
Sister Michele (not a nun)
I lost my parents and it does get easier but only marginally. Just part of the process. Your dad was 3 months older than me and I'm sure he and you wanted more. But he left a legacy -- well three of them -- and didn't step away unfulfilled.
The DNA is there for you to find the right course. But, there isn't a need to rush to a new direction. Give it some time and the direction will likely find you. Your dad built you to be self-fulfilled. Trust him.
Your everything works out in the end theory better hold up this time . . .
New adventure. Why relive the past?
If I say it to you, maybe I will heed my own advice. Yada, yada, heal thyself or so the saying goes.
Your sister is right, unlike mine, though her life would be considered far more "interesting" than mine.
My Dad (80 this Friday) retired January 1, 2008 after almost 50 years working nights at the post office. He had a job lined up before he left. Fortunately, it fell through and we convinced him to put off getting another one for a few months. He delayed retiring much longer than he should because he was worried the lack of structure would doom him to the couch until he died in the middle of Matlock.
Now, he goes to the gym five days a week, plays golf four days a week, and picked up poker with the helpful advice of one of his sons. His life is just as structured as it was, but he seems to enjoy it a lot more now. Plus, he can pick up and leave for a trip anytime he wants to. Structural adaptability, or some such nonsense.
My mother is being driven a little bit crazy by the old man puttering about the house, but she chose the bird.
Drive your wife a little crazy. Observe your kids a little more closely. Help someone that needs it as it will help you.
If things get too staid, hop on a plane and meet a bunch of your imaginary friends for silliness.
Good luck to you. When you figure it out, let me know so I can follow.
Wes
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