The Ferrari That Wasn't

This time I was a Ferrari owner for 2 full days! Last time, it was a 360 Modena Spider, and this time it was a 1981 308 GTSi. To answer your questions from my Facebook page:

- Yes, it's the Magnum, PI car

- No, it's not a Mustang or Corvette

- Yes, it's much more reasonable than a 360

- Yes, The Wife approved of this one (well, maybe "approve" is too strong. Read here for her take)

This is the first one I actually got to park in my garage. I must say, it looked beautiful in there. I'm not ashamed to admit that after the kids went to bed, I grabbed a folding chair and went out there for some quiet reflection. The Wife may have even discovered me fondling it in a slightly inappropriate manner.

I'm very fortunate to have one of the world's best Ferrari mechanics in my backyard - Carlo at Alfa of Tacoma. Seriously. People from all over the US buy Ferraris and ship them to Carlo to get his blessing. He doesn't pull punches. If he says it's a dog, it's a dog. If he says it's a gem, you should do whatever you can to buy it.

Unfortunately, he said it was a dog.

Specifically, he said the engine would need to be rebuilt. It failed compression testing and leakdown. The brakes were dangerous. The frame was bent from being put on a lift improperly. The timing belt was falling off. The report went on for 4 pages. It was a disaster.

So once again, I'm back to being Ferrari-less. I'd like to leave you with a philosophical comment or some great life lesson that I learned here, but I'm just bummed.

Are You Kidding Me?!

This is yet another story that I should probably keep to myself, but I'm putting it out there in the hopes that you'll read this, think I'm a huge donkey, and give me your money at the tables.

I've been running bad. I've tightened up my game, but recently I've had a string of bad beats in large pots. It seems like someone will always turn a set when I have top pair or top two. And it's always with an underpair. Pocket 9's are the death of me. To make matters worse, I've had three sets cracked with ridiculous hands - the worst was a set of Aces cracked by Q-8, when the guy just called my river bet when he had the nuts.

So today, I look down at pocket queens in early position and come in for a raise. The small blind and big blind call and we see a flop of Qh-9h-4d. Top set! Okay, how am I going to lose this one?

I bet out and get raised by the small blind. Big blind calls and I three bet. The small blind has been raising draws regardless of position, so I don't want to see another heart. Both just call.

Turn - 3h. Of course.

Small blind checks, but I think I see a little drool at the corner of his mouth. Big blind checks and I check too. The old me bets here, but I'm just tired of getting my ass kicked.

River - another F***in' heart.

Now the small blind bets out. Big blind folds, and I turn over my stupid top set and show everyone how bad I'm running. But, for whatever reason, I convinced myself that he could have two pair. It's reasonable, right? So, with the cards almost in the muck, I toss in one big bet. Suddenly there is a big commotion. Huh? Small blind turns over the nut flush, but the dealer is yelling something at the floor.

"High hand! Queens full of 4s!"

That's right folks. The bad beats had blinded me to the fact that the board paired. All I saw were 4 hearts.

Not only did that reluctant bet win me a big pot, but Queens-full was good enough for 2nd place in the high-hand race. It would have been 1st, but someone else got a royal flush.

Hee-haw!

Review - Mini Sirloin Burgers from Jack-in-the-Box

If there's an upside to the weight I've put on since I got back from Iraq, it's that it gives me more credence as a food reviewer. Never trust a skinny guy when he tells you about the latest fast-food craze.

I LOVE White Castle and Crystal Burger. In fact, I'd bet you right now that I've paid more for a Crystal Burger than anyone reading this post. When I was leaving for Iraq, we had to spend a week at Ft. Benning, Georgia (I was stationed there 10 years ago and it's where my son was born). I got a chance to sneak off onto Victory Drive for dinner one night, but the shuttles had all stopped running. Long story short, I underestimated how much it would cost in a taxi to get a burger. $60 dollars later, I was one happy guy.

Unfortunately, there is no such restaurant in Federal Way, Washington. But wait! Burger King is now offering a similar mini burger in a 2-pack or 6-pack. I had a couple the other day, and while it's no White Castle (no sauteed onions and the burger wasn't quite right), I'd give them a B- for the effort.

Today I had Jack-in-the-Box's version. The burger was too thick, and it was tasteless. The bun was uninspired. The cheese was even lame. They come in a three pack, but I could eat only one (as opposed to my personal best 11 White Castle burgers).

It sucked.

Bottom line - if you have one available, go to White Castle or Crystal Burger. If you must have something after a long night of drinking, BK is your bet. If you go to Jack, stick with the Monster Taco. It will give you the worst heartburn you can imagine, but it still beats their lame-assed attempt at dethroning the king. Who in this case lives in a castle. A crystal castle.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't write food reviews after midnight.

Um... Sorry 'bout That

My youngest son is prone to screaming when he's frustrated. I'd had enough of it so I stormed into the room and said to both boys, "If one of you isn't bleeding, you're both going to Time Out."

That's when my older son showed me the blood coming from his thumb. Which came from a samurai chop. From screaming boy.

Well, if you aren't bleeding to death, go to time out anyway!

Shut Up! - The All Girl Version

I'm glad you are all having so much fun at my expense. Waffles is having a contest to see who can top my story, and now The Wife is accepting a challenge from MHG to replay my story, but with all women.

I think MHG may have had a different idea about how the women would have acted differently. I know I sure did. I'm kind of impressed that in The Wife's version, there was still confrontation (even if it was catty).

I love a good catfight.

Check it out here.

Seat 7 Laid Down Queens?!

In the aftermath of the ugliness, I've been asked about the hand where Seat 7 folded Queens face-up. Here are the particulars:

• Seat 5 was UTG and raised pre-flop to $20 with As-Ks. Seat 6 called. Seat 7 (with the Queens) also called.
• Before all was said and done, SEVEN people called the $20, putting $140 into the pot.
  
• The flop was 4s-6s-10c
• Seat 5 checks the overcards and nut-flush draw.
• Seat 6 bets out $50.
• Seat 7 raises to $125. He has about $300 behind
• If folds around to seat 5 who goes all in (he has about $1000 behind)

Here is my analysis. Seat 5 is representing a set. He doesn't have air. He has no idea of the strength of seat 7s hand because you'd expect a large overpair to have re-raised pre-flop.

In the end, seat 7 would have had to put $300 more into the pot in order to win $740. If seat 5 has a set, seat 7 is way behind. With As-Ks, seat 5 has 15 outs twice.

Do you fold queens there?

Shut Up! - The Reveal?

Sometimes you have to heed the advice of your lawyer.
Every time I ignore lawyers, I get in trouble.
"Asshole," as a label, fits both Seat 5 and Seat 7
Therefore, it doesn't really matter which one I was. I was wrong.

7 or five. Both deserve the title of "Loser." I am ashamed.

Shut Up!

Yes, I know it's 3am, but I have to tell you this story while it's still fresh on my mind.

Folks, I love a good fight, especially when it happens at a poker table. There have been some legendary battles at the Muckleshoot. It usually involves a drunk on tilt. I've seen a lot of pushing and shoving. There was a famous incident where a guy dropped his pants and mooned the dealer. Another guy deliberately poured his drink into the automatic card mixer. These antics usually attract security to the table pretty quickly. Well tonight there were no less than 15 security guards surrounding my 3/5 NL table. This was clearly an event!

Here's how it went down. We start this story 2 hands ago. The 5 seat pulls off a huge semi-bluff. When seat 7 says, "If I fold, will you show me?" seat 5 agrees. Seat 7 tables his pocket queens and seat 5 turns over AK suited for the draw. Seat 7 may be on tilt, but doesn't show it.

Yet.

There is one hand in the interim and then seat 5 gets involved in the biggest pot of the night with seat 1 and seat 4. With $1500 in the pot and seat 4 all in, seat 5 faces an all in from seat 1. He ponders a long time before seat 4 calls the clock.

Seat 5 asks the dealer, "How much time do I have?" Devin replies that he has 30 seconds. Seat 5 waits until 1 second left before folding.

Seat 7, who is not involved in the hand (but may still be on tilt from two hands ago), is chiding seat 5 for being "one of those guys who watches too much TV and is just wasting everyone's time before folding." After the hand is over, seat 5 says to another player, "I was just trying to piss off that guy," and points to seat 7. Seat 7 replies, "Me? You weren't just wasting my time. You were wasting everyone's time." Seat 5 looks at seat 7 and says, "Shut up." What happened next was unbelievable.

Seat 7 flips out. He leaps up causing his chair to go flying backwards. He slams a drink table out of the way and goes right behind seat 5 and says, "Get up." He didn't yell it, but it was quite menacing. Seat 5 stays right where he is, and that's when Devin calls for the supervisor.

The next 5 minutes were a bit of a jumble. Seat 5 was desperately trying to convince the dealer and floor guy that seat 7 was out of control and threatening and needed to be kicked out immediately. Interestingly, seat 7 never said a word. The floor kept asking Devin the dealer to tell what really happened, but seat 5 wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. It got so bad that Devin got up and yelled at the supervisor, "Don't ever do this to me again! Take control!"

By this time, the entire security team showed up. The floor called in another dealer and said, "All right. No one is getting kicked out, but you all need to calm down and just play poker." At this point seat 7 finally spoke up and calmly said, "I would like to leave. Would you please have someone from security walk with me to the exit?"

Everyone seemed relieve to see seat 7 go. Still, it probably would have been more exciting if it actually came to blows.

Now, here is your test. Which seat was I sitting in?

Edit: If you are reading this on Google Reader or via RSS, you may have noticed a couple inconsistencies in the numbering. Hopefully that's all been fixed.