Saturday, February 09, 2008

Ultrasound Revisited

Editors Note: After I read the following post several times, I almost didn't publish it. It very well might get me uninvited from some home games and shunned by this illustrious community. At the very least, you can read it and think, "Well, at least I don't have to do THAT in my job." Proceed at your own peril.

I mentioned in a previous post that I do a lot of testicular ultrasounds. When you do something repetitively and often, you can become complacent. Occasionally I am reminded that every one of my patient's is nervous about this exam. Many probably didn't sleep well the night before. To me it's just another exam. To them, well, it's their "boys" dammit.

The exam room is fairly clinical. The tech has the patient undress from the waist down and lie on the table. They wait there in the darkened room until I come in. "Good morning. I'm Dr. Chako," I always say. "Tell me what's going on." They reply with their history, and to be honest I'm only half listening to make sure that what their doctor wrote on the consult sheet basically matches with their actual complaint. Most of this conversation allows me to establish rapport prior to manhandling their junk.

Pleasantries completed, we begin the exam. I have them place one towel under their scrotum (to lift it up) and then I ask them to lay their penis on their belly and cover it with another towel (to keep it out of my way). Sorry for the graphic description, but you need that background to answer this question for me. If the penis falls out from under the towel, who should move it back out of the way?

7 comments:

NumbBono said...

Waffles just rubbed one out to this post.

The Sister said...

The patient should move it. Of course, you've been in Iraq for a long time now, and it's entirely possible that niether of you would have minded if you moved it back under the towel for him.

Uncle Bracelet said...

The, "Oops, my penis just fell out!" technique has been my most successful move with the ladies since the late eighties.

It's entirely possible that he was hoping you'd manhandle it back into it's place, but he should have done it himself.

BamBam said...

Without a shadow of a doubt.....

The man moves his own "parts" away from "danger." "Danger" in this case, is another man moving "things" around that are best handled by experts.

I would call others than "The Doc," experts.

Be safe ! (and stay sane. PLEASE!)

Hunter Silvastorm said...

Dr. Chako,
Although it sounds like a version of "Hide the Salami," it is nevertheless a problem. Before I offer the solution to who is responsible for re-securing the pepperoni, there are several questions that need answering. Did the dick slip out from beneath the towel because the room was too cold? Was the towel too small? Was the hammer too big? Or, looking at the problem from a new direction, was the patient getting excited about the so-called examination?

Answer: if the size of the towel or tallywacher is the problem, then have the patient cover himself and hold everything in place until your finished. However, if you happen to notice the patient winking and smiling, the answer is to dip one corner of the towel into cold water. Then, using the towel like a bullwhip, snap that puppy into submission. One good "Flick" and... well, you get the idea.
Hunter

The Wife said...

Dr. Chako: I would take some advice from Kenny Rogers: "You've gotta' know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em." Nana Judy

SirFWALGMan said...

I think the better question is "Who do you want to move it?". Now if there is a cute assistant nurse chick then the problem is solved.