Unemployed Movie Reviewer

July 22, 2008

I suck as a movie reviewer because I can’t reference all the great old-time movies and make awesome comparisons. I just don’t remember movies that well. What I can offer is my take on the Summer of ’08 blockbusters. As most of you know, I have tons of free time now that I’m no longer in the military and haven’t yet started my new job. After reading this review, you’ll probably suggest I stick with doctoring.

Batman – great movie. It sucks that Heath Ledger is dead, because he owned the Joker. That is saying a lot, because I’m a huge Nicholson fan. I even think he did a tiny homage to Jack during one speech. If I had any problem it was that the movie ran too long. It was almost like the directors owed it to Heath to put as much of him on screen as possible. They could have cut out a bunch and it would have been a better movie. Also the development of Two-Face almost didn’t belong, but I guess it was an interesting plot twist. 4/5 stars

Hancock – good movie. I like Smith and Bateman, and I was shocked to see Charlize Theron. Somehow I missed her in the previews. The only thing that sucked is that I took my kids to see it. They’ve seen R rated movies before, but since cursing was an integral part of the movie (as opposed to just something to fill dialogue), it makes for interesting conversation when my kids try to describe some scenes. 3/5 stars

Journey to the Center of the Earth – Sucked out loud. This movie was just cliché and nonsense with terrible acting (mostly from Frasier) and was only saved by decent special effects. Did we really need another runaway mine car scene? It was like the movie was made specifically with the forthcoming Disney attraction in mind. 1/5 stars

Hellboy II – Really good movie. I don’t know how I missed the first one, but I finally got to see it last week when I was in Texas. You don’t need the first to see the second, but I guess it helps. The voice of the sea creature no longer sounds like David Hyde Pierce, but it didn’t detract from the show. The Barry Manilow scene was worth the price of admission. Best line? “Well, now it’s an amusement park.” 4/5 stars

Wall-E – Decent flick from Pixar, but I was expecting more. This movie is getting great reviews in the press, but I predict it will fall short of other greats from Pixar like Toy Story and the like. I’m sorry, but I need dialogue. To make up for it, the movie out-clevered itself. Decent effort. 3/5 stars

Get Smart – I was a big fan of the TV show. I loved the references to the old show as well as to James Bond. I’m a big Carrell fan, although I can’t watch The Office. If you liked the old show you must see the movie. 3/5 stars

Kung Fu Panda – I went in with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. The voice cast was really impressive. 3/5 stars

Wanted – I would see any movie with Angelina Jolie, especially when she’s purposely made hot and dangerous. Put her in a sports car and I’m in heaven. Naked coming out of the bath – even better. Hearing Morgan Freeman curse, not once, but twice, was worth the price. Too often, the movie tried to be more than it was (which was basically a B-movie action flick), but when it stuck to the action, it was excellent. 2/5 stars

I’m looking forward to seeing Step Brothers and I’ll probably be forced to see Mamma Mia! (although I’m a closet ABBA fan). I’ll let you know.