Our Au Pair is getting married, so The Wife pulled out the old VHS tapes from our wedding. The ceremony looked wonderful. The Wife still looks as beautiful as the day we were married. I look much older (more distinguished?).
In attendance were my dad, my mom, my uncle Dan and my Buby. I miss them all so very much. Dammit. It was only 13 years ago. How can they all be gone?
Every now and then I get a feeling that things are a little surreal. Kind of like, when you are just a little buzzed and you shake your head and things just don't track them same as when you are sober? It's silly, really. My life couldn't be better. I have a dream job. I have a beautiful family. I live in a great house in a great area. Maybe it's the uncertainty. I know we won't be here next year. I know it's going to get even better. I love changing things up a bit every now and then (the Army was really good for that). Then why am I out of sorts? I wish Dad were still around to talk to.
Don't worry. I'll shake this off before bedtime. In a couple days we'll be Bashing it. No time for soul-searching out there. Just fun times with not-so-invisible-internet-friends. I think it will be just what the doctor ordered.
4 comments:
Don't look at it as you have lost those moments. Those moments will be waiting for you when the Big Guy decides that your purpose on the earth , as you know it, is over.
Until you meet with him and the conversation that seemed to be halted is continued, know that he is looking over you , watching you, protecting you until he greets you with a "Son, I am proud of you".
One day, I look forward to meeting him as I look forward to introducing you to my brother and sister.
Sean
I was gonna say you look a little fatter.. but I remembered you got trimmed up by the Army.. plus you can kick my ass.
Welcome to "the club."
All it took was a couple of posts that included the numbers.
" If you (like me) are around 40-ish"
&
"You are 41, not 11"
It's a mystical thing that I have really never gotten my mind completely around as of yet. But I swear to you, that's all it takes!
I try to listen to my brother C.C., when he say's, "you're only as young as the woman you feel." Maybe there is something to it? I don't know.
I do try and stick with my half full glass and the mantra, growing old is not an option, that I know. But growing up certainly is.
:) See you Thursday night!
Out of sorts. Yes. I get it. I am right there with you bro. Sometimes I still pick up the phone to call him by mistake...tough times. But life is great and I am monumentally happy even if I do miss dad beyond words. The combination of two powerful emotions creates..."out of sorts". :)
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