Friday, January 06, 2006

Poker and Drugs

6 JAN 06

Okay, so I’m not the first one to come up with the idea of playing poker on drugs. Hell, I’m not even the first person to write about it. It’s blog-worthy because I won while on drugs. I may have to try it again, dammit.

The first thing you should know is that this isn’t as degenerate as it sounds. I’m a goody-goody. Besides, since I’m in the Army, I get drug tested all the time. They said it was random, but in December I had to take a urinalysis 4 times (as an aside, I’d rather have a hot stick shoved in my eye then piss in front of someone).

Dr. Chako: Do you have to stare at my penis while I do this?

Sergeant: Yes sir. Pretend I’m not here.

Dr. Chako: It’d be a helluva lot easier if YOU WEREN’T STARING AT MY PENIS.

But I digress.

So my powerful drug was actually Excedrin Migraine. I’ve taken them only once before, and, strangely enough, I had an improved ability to remember useless trivia. (I used to kick ass at Trivial Pursuit before the study of medicine rotted that part of my brain).

It was while doped up on this miracle drug that I headed to the Muckleshoot for a little 10/20. Unfortunately, there were no open seats, so I sat at a 6/12 game. 6/12 at the ‘shoot is worse than 4/8. 6-way action is the norm, and pocket pairs only means you have to pay all the way just to have someone suck out the flush at the river. Two consecutive hands got rivered on me, and I was stuck my $200 buy-in. Re-buy!

As soon as the new rack of pink $2 chips landed in front of me, a 10/20 seat opened up. I changed the pinks to reds and came in for my usual $500. Long story short – it was one of my best nights ever. Almost every read was correct, and I won the coin-flips that I normally lose. Here is the best part.

15BB per hour!!

That’s right. I averaged 15 Big Blinds per hour of play. I’ve never even come close to that. I’m usually happy with 1 to 2 BB per hour. 15 is unreal. I wished I didn’t have to get up so early this morning. The game was so perfect that I never wanted to leave. Two quick funnies:

1. I played one hand horribly. I slow-played AA in early position, got raised by the button (a weak tight player). I reraised, and HE CAPPED. I know he has KK. The flop is K J 8. He bets, and I raise. So far so good (he could have AK, but I doubt it). He reraises (because there are flush and straight draws out there). Here is when I made my mistake. I should have folded here. But I called. The turn is a 10, giving me the gutshot and an over pair. I check. He bets and I call. The river – Ace, baby. I bet while looking right at him. Before he can act I say, “You are going to call me with those kings, aren’t you?” He does, and I rake the pot. But here is teh funnay – he says, “Do you play here a lot?” The meaning is clear. He is saying I hope you play here a lot because you suck and I’m going to get your money. I’m not normally cocky (my wife may disagree). Perhaps it was the drugs talking but I said, “You know how when you play online and you find a real big fish? You put him in your buddy list because you want his action. I’m that guy. Big fish.” I don’t think he was too amused, but the dealer got a chuckle.

2. I’ve got 76 off-suit in middle position, but I’ve been on a rush. I’ve got the cards in one hand ready to fold, but my other hand is on the chips. I look at Rob (the dealer) and say, “The voices are telling me to play this hand.” Quick as a wink he replies, “One player to a hand, please.” The whole table fell out laughing.

I’m not all the way back, but I’m headed in that direction.


Matt Silverthorn said...

Sounds like you had an awesome night. Congrats! Maybe I should try some of that Excedrin...

Anonymous said...

FYI: Got a hit for "fart lighting porn" tonight.

Anonymous said...

Nominations for the 2006 blog awards are due on Thursday, Jan. 12. I vote that we all nominate The Tao of Poker (out of reverence to all the great work Pauly has done this past year).

Please go to and fill out a nomination form!

Let's band together and make Pauly a serious contender!!