Summer’s End

Had a totally awesome trip today with the family and Au Pair courtesy of MeanHappyGuy. His family has a cabin in the woods that would make The Unabomber envious. Really – the place is idyllic. I could wax poetic, but instead head on over to his post for a great write up and awesome pics (including a shot of The Wife in a bikini - she’s a hottie).

Drunk Post

>Quick hit-and-run tonight at the Muckleshoot. I love that 8/16 game. One of the regulars was into the game for 8 racks (at $200 a rack, that’s an impressive amount. Do the math yourself, ‘cause math is hard). Since I haven’t had a post for a while, I figure I’ll just brain dump whilst finishing my Macallan.

I am a Republican. Bite me. I also give money to only one organization – NPR. What, you say? That’s right. I give because it entertains me. One of my favorite things to do while driving into work is to pick out all the subversive (read: liberal) undertones of nearly every story they do. I’ve often thought about listing them all here, but it would take too much time, and let’s face it – it’s more fun to pick them out yourself. I actually get pissed off when Steve Innskeep gets on his high-horse and directly attacks conservatives. Be subversive, dammit! No one respects a frontal assault in radio. It’s akin to a defendant telling the jury, “I didn’t do it!” You lose credibility.

I also enjoy when NPR pulls out Juan Williams every time they want a conservative viewpoint. To be honest, he’s a breath of fresh air (and don’t get me started on Fresh Air host Terry Gross – the only woman other than my wife I’d want to be stranded on a desert island with), but even I thought he was too cocky and egotistical to be a regular news commentator. I often think he’s there just so the staff can say, “See, we’re diversified. We present both sides!” Of course, Juan is only on late at night, but who’s paying attention? Oh yeah – I am.

If you don’t believe me, just listen to the next Sarah Palin story. See how long it takes NPR to mention either the Bridge to Nowhere that she first supported but then didn’t, or Troopergate or her husbands 20+ year old DUI. I still think Obama will win the election, but it’s fun to see NPR scared. I really believe that THEY believe they can organize the liberals and undecideds and single-handedly win this election for the Democrats.

I’ll be listening the whole time.

Oh yeah – go visit The Wife. She’s blogging non-existent ass off in preparation for The Bash. My preparation consists of drinking.

Golf

Since there will be golfing at the Bash, I headed out tonight to play 9. It's only my 3rd time out this year. I played a one-man scramble. I got a triple on one hole after putting both tee-shots OB, but I only got one other bogey. The rest were par.

Watch out!

We're Booked for the Bash!

God help us all.

Omaha and the Bash

I suck at Omaha8, but I sure do like saying, "Nut-Nut." I've gone weeks without even seeing a nut-nut, and I had three of them in 45 minutes. Drizz would be so proud.

Still, I was only playing O8 because I was waiting for a seat at 8/16. When I finally got the seat, I donked off $200 of my O8 winnings before buckling down and winning it all back. It was weird not being the most aggressive person at the table. I totally had to switch gears and play good, solid poker for a change.


The Bash. It's legendary. I must admit I've considered going, but never seriously. But now, after getting called out by Al, The Wife and I are looking at plane tickets and reservations. We still aren't sure our schedules will totally mesh, but we might actually make this work.

Google Ads

My poker bankroll was dwindling, so I was looking for ways to generate extra income I could use exclusively for poker. The Wife gets a little pissy when I use family money - go figure.

Anyway, I put Google Ads on my page and waited for the cash to roll in. And roll in it did! So far, I have made a grand total of zero dollars and zero cents. Look out Bellagio - I'm a-comin'!

I know many of you monetize your blogs. Good for you. I'm a moron and can't figure it out. If one of you can set this up for me, I'll guarantee you a percentage of anything I make. In the mean time, the only thing the Google Ads have been good for are some amusing ads based on the content of the current post. My last post about the Magic Cone gave me this ad:

Female Urethra Play

Signs & Symptoms of Incontinence Female Urethra Play Articles & Pics

Please don't click on the link. Or maybe you should. Who knows, it could be entertaining and I might get paid!

Magic Cone

A female friend was seeking revenge and spit on someone's car. I mentioned that, based on the offense, peeing in the gas tank would provide a higher level of satisfaction. Of course, being a girl, that's not really an option, right?

I present to you, without further comment, the Magic Cone.

Craps Doctor

August 19, 2008

Ben runs our racquetball league. He’s quite good at the game and (to hear him tell it) was ranked #1 or 2 in Washington state in the Masters Class (>35 years old, I think). When he’s not playing racquetball or working his day job, he’s shooting craps at either the Muckleshoot or at the EQC (Emerald Queen Casino). He talks a big game and sometimes when he gets started on his topic of the day, I’ll just smile and nod along. It’s not that I think he’s full of shit. He’s actually a fun guy and very enthusiastic about everything – especially all the cute women in the gym.

Anyway, one day he mentions that he’s headed over to his buddy’s house to practice throwing dice. Huh? Sure enough, several of his buddies have tables set up in their houses for the express purpose of practicing betting patterns and also to practice either throwing 7s or not throwing them, depending on whether the point is established or not. These home games are not for money. Turns out we have our own version of the MIT blackjack team, only here it’s craps.

Again – take this with a grain of salt. He claims that his best run was 52 consecutive winning sessions at the craps tables. This is preposterous of course, but it got my attention. When he started talking about bankroll management and when to walk away, he was talking my language. He explained the basics of the betting strategy, and it makes sense. Of course, the odds are always in the house’s favor, but the way he bets would tend to give him the best chance for profit. If he’s really able to improve the odds with all his “practice,” perhaps he’s onto something.

I may have to try it. It sure can’t be any worse than my terrible run at the poker tables.

Michael Phelps

August 17, 2008

Blatantly stolen from another forum I read (which was certainly stolen from Chuck Norris sites):

Michael Phelps only swims through the water because he considers walking on top of it too pretentious.

And this…

Superman wears Michael Phelps pajamas.

And if you are bored, check out the Wikipedia page on Mark Spitz. I learned a few things.

The Promised Poker Content

August 15, 2008

But first...

The prize was just awarded in the 26th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the worst opening sentence to a nonexistent novel. You’ll have to click through to see the winner, but my personal favorite was 3rd place:

"Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater -- love touches you, and marks you forever."

-- Beth Fand Incollingo, Haddon Heights, New Jersey

So, I was reading Card Player while waiting for a seat in my new favorite game at the Muckleshoot (1/2 spread limit). If you are wondering where all the bad Party Poker players went, look no further than Auburn, WA. Anyway, in the article there is an online player (FU_15) who was discussing a particular hand. He said he had three pieces of information that he used regularly: starting stack sizes, position and metagame.

I’ve not heard the term metagame before, but I like it. Basically it means – what is your table image? Are you able to talk people into making bad decisions? Have people played with you before and do they think they know your betting patterns?

I’m playing fairly loose, but it’s a very friendly table (Mike Caro says these are the most lucrative), and I’m having a little fun asking trivia questions while not in a hand (bonus question – what is the first thing Rocky says to Adrian after he beats Apollo Creed and calls her up to the ring?), and I’m leading out with prime numbers.

I look down at pocket Aces and ask the table to give me a prime number. The 6 seat says, “17.” “Okay,” I reply. “I bet $17” (remember, this is a ½ game). I get called by the 4 seat and we see a flop of K-Q-6. She checks and I bet $23 (another prime number). She calls. The turn is a blank. I bet $43. She hems and haws a little before folding and I show the table my Aces.

The very next hand I’m dealt pocket Kings. Once again, I ask for a prime number. The 1-seat, a young internet player with little experience in live cash games says, “7.” “Okay, I make it $7.” Four of us see a flop of Q-Q-4. It checks around to me and I bet $23. It’s a good bet – about ¾ of the pot. If someone has the queen I can get away easily. 1-seat gets a little jumpy and says, “How much? $23? Okay, I guess I call.”

I’m now done with this hand. He at least has A-Q, and probably something more like Q-10.

The turn is a King. Angels are now singing all around me.

How do I get value here? I decide to slow play (something I rarely do anymore), and check. He checks behind, but very quickly. Please let him have Aces or K-Q!!!

The river is a blank. I check my cards once again to throw him off a little. Then I ask, “How much will you call?” He laughs and says, “$127.” I reply, “That’s an excellent prime number! Okay. $127!”

To his credit, he didn’t go all-in. He still had $50 behind, but he just called and turned over pocket 4s for the flopped full house. I dragged a nice pot.

Metagame. I’ll have to work on that.

Fail

August 15, 2008

Waffles turned me onto the Fail Blog. Today’s entry is hysterical and wrong on so many levels.

Today’s Fail

Next up – actual poker content.

I Want to Work for Dr. Chako

August 13, 2008

I’m probably going to get in trouble with The Wife for this post, but who knows? She’s surprised me a few times lately and may actually go for my latest scheme.

I was flipping channels during commercial breaks for the Olympics (BTW – America needs Michael Phelps, discuss amongst yourselves), and I saw an ad for a new show called, “I Want to Work for Diddy.” Faithful readers may remember that I got invited to a private party with Diddy a few years ago. We were hanging.

The idea of a Personal Assistant is interesting. The Wife and I both come from backgrounds where, while not dirt-poor, we didn’t have much. Now that we both make a decent living we have gotten used to certain conveniences. We are on our second Au Pair. The kids spend a little time in before and after school care when they aren’t in school. Debbie cleans our house every Friday (and I challenge anyone to come up with a better housekeeper than Debbie).

During the $5000 mixed hold ‘em coverage on ESPN, they mentioned that one of the 21 year old players had a personal assistant. I wonder what they get paid and what they had to do to get hired. The Wife and I joked a couple of times that a household manager would be a good thing to have. There are tons of little projects that need attention, but we just never seem to get around to them - often times with dire circumstances (i.e. when I started my corporation, I neglected to pay my Federal Excise tax on time and got a nice little penalty for it). I don’t need someone to shadow me around like a celebrity, but having someone on-call to make dinner plans, do filing and make travel arrangements would be useful. And of course, someone would have to set up the limo to the strip clubs when we go to Vegas, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

I checked on the Wikipedia page:

The Personal Assistant job is associated with two contradictory images. The first is that it is an easy, fun, and glamorous position, granting access to the friendship and luxurious lifestyle of celebrities and high-powered or wealthy people. The other is that personal assistants are merely unskilled "gofers" who perform menial and degrading tasks.

My PA would definitely need to be okay with the menial and degrading tasks, and the glamorous stuff would be few and far between. The pay would be atrocious (at least compared with Diddy).

Come to think of it, who would possibly want this job?

All Alone

Well, it finally happened. The Wife left me. Of course, it was for a woman. I always suspected there was something fishy when it was her who suggested we all go out to the strip club in Vegas.

Actually, she is pulling a classic Thelma and Louise with her new-found bestest friend Betty Underground, as they drive their awesome hunk-magnet mobile (honestly, a Prius???) from California to Montana. The little messages from her new Crackberry have been interesting...

So that leaves me and the boys to fend for ourselves. Of course, we have our new Au Pair (Paola) to help out, too. She's awesome and the boys seem to really like her. The transition from Tati to Paola was very smooth, at least on our end. Tati is having a rougher time of it in Florida. I hope things work out for her - she's a really good kid.

I haven't played poker in forever. I got out to the Ironhorse Casino to meet up with Easycure and his lovely wife who were in town for just a couple days. Zeem was out there too and I think I bought a round of drinks before running for the exit in order to yack in the parking lot. That's the first time I've ever not finished my drink. Still it was good to see the gang. Hopefully we'll do it again soon.

And to my one (or maybe two) reader(s) out there who care, I went with the Laco watch. Hopefully I'll have pictures as soon as The Wife shows me how to use the macro function on her camera. Of course, she'll have to come back first...

Materialism

July 31, 2008

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know I have a passion for a couple materialistic things. My Ferrari obsession has been well document. Less well documented is my fanaticism over watches. I will one day own a Lange 1. Most of you are saying, “What the hell is a Lange 1 and why is it so special?” That’s okay. I don’t expect you to understand. You either get it or you don’t. The watch isn’t really about flash. It’s kind of like a male version of high-end jewelry. It makes you feel special. The car is about flash, but that’s a whole different discussion.

Even though I signed my contract 2 days ago and I officially start working again tomorrow, I still can’t bring myself to pay $30,000 for a watch. Well, I found a great substitute (see the link above). It’s called Glashutte and it’s made in the same town in Germany as the Lange 1. In fact, they used to be the same company. The workmanship is unbelievable. The style is similar. The price is “only” $8000. The one I want is the PanoMaticLunar if you are interested.

It’s fun to bring up the discussion with The Wife, just to watch her cringe. Well, it can be fun, but then I find myself in the unenviable position of trying to justify something which cannot be justified. “What’s so special about it? Can’t you find something in the $1000 range? Do you like it just because it’s more expensive?”

I once tried the argument that SHE has expensive jewelry, so why can’t I? Gentlemen, take it from me – this is a BAD argument. Never go there. I regret ever trying this tack. I’ll probably regret bringing it up again here. In fact, here is her response the last time this came up:

Maybe I'm just innately aware of the marginal utility of beautiful watches and the beauty per dollar ratio of the first one is somehow evident to my subconscious. To be perfectly honest, unless these watches prevent cancer and give you arm massages, I'm not sure the price justifies either on looks alone . . . he's got a perfectly handsome Skagen at home that I know was under the $200 mark . . . don't understand his acquisition "phase" apparently and never will.

So once again, I’m back to square one. I still look at watches almost as much as I look at Ferraris. Well, what do you know? I found another very interesting watch. So now, I present you with three pictures. The first picture is the watch, made by a company called Laco – also from Germany. The second is a very similar watch made by Glashutte. The third is a picture of the speedometer setup in my BMW.

Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Buddy Rich

By way of apology for my offensive post yesterday, I give you the genius of Buddy Rich.

And if you needed any more reason why Buddy Rich was awesome, check him out on the Muppets (complete with Nordic subtitles):

Blog Fodder

July 27, 2008

When I said to The Wife that I just got some good blog fodder, she replied, “Iggy?” My momentary confusion was cleared up when I realized that she heard “Blogfather,” not Blog Fodder. I guess you had to be there.

I hear random snippets of conversation that, when taken out of context, can be rather amusing. The one tonight could remain in context and it would still give you chills.

Two older women were sitting in a booth next to us at Marie Calendars. They were about 60 and 80 and I think they were mother and daughter based on the silly arguments (“Why are you jumping down my throat?!” “I’m not jumping!”). I’d put their combined weight in the over 500 range.

Anyway, daughter hits us with this doozy. “So, in the first of my hallucinations, I was naked and tied up with rosary beads.”

It was at this point I started slapping my ears and shaking violently, in a lame attempt to dislodge the horrible information. It wouldn’t shake loose, so instead, I choose to share it with you.

Unemployed Movie Reviewer

July 22, 2008

I suck as a movie reviewer because I can’t reference all the great old-time movies and make awesome comparisons. I just don’t remember movies that well. What I can offer is my take on the Summer of ’08 blockbusters. As most of you know, I have tons of free time now that I’m no longer in the military and haven’t yet started my new job. After reading this review, you’ll probably suggest I stick with doctoring.

Batman – great movie. It sucks that Heath Ledger is dead, because he owned the Joker. That is saying a lot, because I’m a huge Nicholson fan. I even think he did a tiny homage to Jack during one speech. If I had any problem it was that the movie ran too long. It was almost like the directors owed it to Heath to put as much of him on screen as possible. They could have cut out a bunch and it would have been a better movie. Also the development of Two-Face almost didn’t belong, but I guess it was an interesting plot twist. 4/5 stars

Hancock – good movie. I like Smith and Bateman, and I was shocked to see Charlize Theron. Somehow I missed her in the previews. The only thing that sucked is that I took my kids to see it. They’ve seen R rated movies before, but since cursing was an integral part of the movie (as opposed to just something to fill dialogue), it makes for interesting conversation when my kids try to describe some scenes. 3/5 stars

Journey to the Center of the Earth – Sucked out loud. This movie was just cliché and nonsense with terrible acting (mostly from Frasier) and was only saved by decent special effects. Did we really need another runaway mine car scene? It was like the movie was made specifically with the forthcoming Disney attraction in mind. 1/5 stars

Hellboy II – Really good movie. I don’t know how I missed the first one, but I finally got to see it last week when I was in Texas. You don’t need the first to see the second, but I guess it helps. The voice of the sea creature no longer sounds like David Hyde Pierce, but it didn’t detract from the show. The Barry Manilow scene was worth the price of admission. Best line? “Well, now it’s an amusement park.” 4/5 stars

Wall-E – Decent flick from Pixar, but I was expecting more. This movie is getting great reviews in the press, but I predict it will fall short of other greats from Pixar like Toy Story and the like. I’m sorry, but I need dialogue. To make up for it, the movie out-clevered itself. Decent effort. 3/5 stars

Get Smart – I was a big fan of the TV show. I loved the references to the old show as well as to James Bond. I’m a big Carrell fan, although I can’t watch The Office. If you liked the old show you must see the movie. 3/5 stars

Kung Fu Panda – I went in with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. The voice cast was really impressive. 3/5 stars

Wanted – I would see any movie with Angelina Jolie, especially when she’s purposely made hot and dangerous. Put her in a sports car and I’m in heaven. Naked coming out of the bath – even better. Hearing Morgan Freeman curse, not once, but twice, was worth the price. Too often, the movie tried to be more than it was (which was basically a B-movie action flick), but when it stuck to the action, it was excellent. 2/5 stars

I’m looking forward to seeing Step Brothers and I’ll probably be forced to see Mamma Mia! (although I’m a closet ABBA fan). I’ll let you know.

Ferrari - Part II

I had yet another fantastic day this weekend. It came after a really terrific week of working at a hospital outside of Ft. Worth, Texas. It was great to just be a doctor again. I then made the 5 hour drive to San Antonio listening to XM comedy 150 the whole way. It really made the trip go fast. I met up with my buddies Mike and Scott and had some great wine before crashing for the night. The next morning, Scott and I took off for a Ferrari lunch at Paesanos off of 1604. The food was off the charts, but I only had eyes for the cars.

The Perfect Day

July 17^th, 2008

Today may have been the perfect day. Well, let me qualify that. It was the perfect day that I didn’t get to spend with my family or with strippers. Or both. Whatever. It was a perfect day if you’re selfish, like me.

I’m still down here in Decatur, Texas, and I haven’t gone to hell yet for my 1 am phone call. I guess my day started out crappy with the unexpected phone call, but it quickly turned around as I chuckled myself back to sleep.

5 hours later I got up and went for a short 20 minute jog. After a great breakfast in the Ramada (does anyone else love those 2 minute cook your own waffles?), I showered and took off for work at the hospital. Right away I got to do one of my favorite things – I made someone feel better. How many doctors get to do that, truly? Mostly we just give bad news or we tell you to suck it up and you’ll get better in a week. This morning I met John, a massage therapist with a horrible tumor in his belly. The tumor is going to kill him eventually, but it’s trying to make his life miserable in the mean time. The end result is that his belly fills up with fluid. A lot of fluid. With a well placed scalpel and a long needle, I drained over 6 liters out of his previously distended belly.

He was a pretty neat guy. He recommended seeing What the Bleep (Down the Rabbit Hole). I’ve never seen it, but I told him I would. You can’t go back on a promise to a dying guy, right? During the procedure I was wearing my Visitors Badge. Afterwards, he asked if I was actually a doctor or just a visitor. I quickly replied, “Well, technically, I’m a visitor, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Select last night.”

The next thing was pretty cool, too - I saved a life. Another cancer patient had gotten short of breath. He came to me and I did his CT scan. Turns out he has multiple huge pulmonary emboli. I was able to get him treated immediately. If no one was there to make the diagnosis, he would have been dead in hours.

After finishing up my banner day at the hospital, I decided to reward myself with a good dinner. So, off I went to Dallas for some Churrascaria. On the way, I spotted a Harley dealer. I’ve been wanting a Harley for quite some time (almost as long as the Ferrari), and I always stop in to drool. Well, today they have a new bike. It’s a variation on the Softtail called the Crossbones. It’s exactly what I pictured my Harley would look like. But wait? You’ll let me take it for a test drive? Really?

So there I was, cruising down TX 114 on a Harley and feeling like a million bucks. The ride was too short, but it really worked up my appetite. 20 minutes later, I’m at Fogo de Chao, a great Brazilian restaurant where they slice the meat off right onto your plate. Of course, what meal would be complete without a glass of Macallan 18 year-old scotch?

So, to sum up:

Played a practical joke on a moron

Had a jog AND a waffle

Made someone feel better

Got a cool movie recommendation

Saved a life

Rode a Harley

Drank some Macallan

Ate enough to put me in a meat coma

How was your day?

Wake Up Call

July 16^th, 2008

So, I’m working my ass off here in Decatur, TX. I don’t sleep much anyway, so the sleep I get is precious. Anyway, the hotel phone rings at 1 am.

Dr. Chako: Um… Hullo?

Cheery Voice: Hi! I’d like to request a wake up call for 6 am. We have an early flight.

Dr. Chako: Um… Um... (pause)

Now, it’s at this point where the cobwebs are just beginning to clear. I’m sure there was a non-pregnant Angelina Jolie dream in there somewhere. How DARE you wake me up with this?!

Dr. Chako: 6am, you say? Right you are! Have a GREAT night sleep. I hope you enjoyed your stay at Ramada.

I am SO going to hell.