Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Birds and the Bees - Part II

For my RSS readers, please see Part I here. This part of the conversation begins after the question, "Do you know what Fertilize means?"

Dr. Chako: That means that something has to happen to the egg in order for it to become a baby.

Son: Do I have eggs?

Dr. Chako: Good question! No you don’t. Only girls have them, and guess what? All girls have eggs, right from when they are born. Isn’t that cool? You have something different, and now we are getting to the important stuff.

Son: What’s that?

Dr. Chako:
In order for the egg to get fertilized it needs sperm.

Son: Like the sperm whale?

Dr. Chako: Kinda. Well, no. Not really. Um…

Son: You okay, Dad?

Dr. Chako: (Recovering). Yeah. Anyway, do you know how the sperm gets to the egg?

Son: Nope.

Dr. Chako: The sperm comes from your penis.

Son: Ewww!

Dr. Chako: You may not think that in a couple years. In order to get the sperm there, a man puts his penis into a woman’s vagina.

Son: Ewww!

Dr. Chako: (Laughing) Do you know what that’s called?

Son: (A little embarrassed) Yeah. I heard you say it about mommy, but without the “y.”

Dr. Chako: Huh?

Son: Sexy. Well… sex.

Dr. Chako: It’s also called making love. But wait, there’s more. Do you think you could get your penis into a vagina?

Son: Ummm… no.

Dr. Chako: It would be kinda tough, right? Well, something has to happen first. Your penis has to get hard. Has that ever happened to you? Like, when you first wake up in the morning?

Son: (Excited) Yeah! Or when I tickle myself down below my belly button!

Dr. Chako: (Showing incredible restraint) Exactly. Well, when your penis gets hard, it’s called an erection, and it makes it easy to put your penis into a woman’s vagina. Here’s the other thing. Right now, only one thing comes out of your penis.

Son: Potty!

Dr. Chako: Right. But pretty soon, your voice will start to change and you’ll get armpit hair and you’ll need deodorant like we talked about, right? (He’s been asking us to smell his pits to see if he’s ready for deodorant.)

Son: You mean puberty.

Dr. Chako: Exactly. Well, the other thing that happens is that your body is preparing to make sperm. It also comes out of your penis and it looks very different from potty. It’s white and creamy. Someday, you’ll meet a woman and fall in love and get married. When you are ready to make babies, this is what you’ll do. What do you think?

Son: Well, I guess I’m glad you told me, but… I kinda wish you hadn’t.

Dr. Chako: (Laughing) Maybe so, but it’s important you know these things. Any questions?

Son: Nope!

Dr. Chako: Goodnight, son.

Son: ‘Night, Dad!

I heard a story on NPR about kids saying that their parents never talked to them about the birds and the bees, and I didn’t want to be in that group. My conversation was not perfect, but it’s the best I could do. Feel free to plagiarize, copy, duplicate or otherwise steal this conversation and call it your own.


SirFWALGMan said...

How old is your kid.. mine is 8, little too young for THAT talk I think.. soon enough though..

Anonymous said...

Now the hard part will be somewhere between 9 1/2 and high school, he's going to start to question the "someday you'll meet a woman, fall in love and get married" part - then what are you going to say, Dad?

Better not be "Go for it, son!"

PS: Glad you had the talk. Better some of that come from you than me. Kind of like me teaching the boys to pee standing up - its all text book, no practical real world experience.

DrChako said...

From an anagram website, rearranging the letters of The Birds and the Bees you get Best Shared in the Bed.

Waffles – my son is 9. If figured it was time based on the questions he was asking us. Your kid may not be as curious yet, but I felt it was the right time.

The wife - If I told him, "Go for it!" it would be followed by, "Just don't tell your mom."

Mike Stewart said...

Ah we all could have used that no-nonsense information which we were young ones! Growing up in the puritanical 1950's such information from our parents or anyone else was pretty hard to come by...impossible in fact. Thank God for that book "Being Born" which you could only check out of the library with your parents approval. I was afraid to even ask my parents but my best friend got the book and we both got educated! WOW! You had to do THAT nasty thing to produce a baby!

The sad truth is that by judging by some of the questions I see posted on today's teen message boards ("Can you get pregnant by giving a blow job?"), not too much has changed. We are still a nation of misinformed dummies in all matters sexual!

April said...

It think you had a great chat, and kudos to you for it!

Anonymous said...

Wow Dr. Chako, that is pretty impressive stuff. I clearly remember our father having the 'birds and the bees' conversation with me. With me being a young girl, it must have been a nightmare for him, but thinking back on it, he never waivered. Not that i would have been able to tell at that age. The best part? I was able to ask him anything after that.