Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Top 5 Things I'd like an Automated Machine to Say

I only have one. It would be my answering machine here in Iraq.

"Hi. This is the Deputy Commander. I bet you think your issue is important and right now you are just counting the seconds until you can leave it on my machine. I ask that instead you use this time to consider that I really don't care about your piddly-assed complaint. In the time it takes you to tell me about it, you could have probably solved it yourself with those awesome people skills you learned in kindergarten. If you still feel you MUST tell me of your issue, leave it after the beep. Who knows, I might actually get a chuckle out of it before hitting DELETE.



Betty said...


That gave me a much needed chuckle and since I see no "copyright" on it, I am totally stealing it.

Instant Tragedy said...



And I thought my

"If you really think that I care leave it at the beep. I'll delete it as soon as possible"

was bad.

Give us a non "im a commander and all these people all idiots" post. Are you able to play a good game of cards?

What do you need... I have a box ready to ship out? Any last requests?


BamBam said...

OK Doc... I'm totally butt-grabbed out. (thanks to Kat) GCox and BadBlood have all the man-hugs... so that can only mean one thing....

Since you're the best! A bottle of Scotch is in our future.

Thanks for taking the time to participate and make me laugh today !

Here's yours...(I hope)

I'd like an artificially intelligent "rabbit," to teach us what the hell we're doing wrong.

Be safe !

The Wife said...

Its not what you're doing WRONG . . . its what you could be doing more RIGHT.

Ken Prevo said...

The wife got lucky. You mentioned you'd done this before. This time she'll have few thought about moving into a motel until you revert to a closer approximation to lovable.