Help Requested

While waiting for The Wife to come home from work, I was clicking around the internet. I'm a big fan of Craigslist. After getting bored surfing for Ferrari's, I clicked on "Therapeutic Services." An interesting ad came up titled, "Come Experience The Most Exhilarating Massage!!!" I opened the ad, but I got a text from a buddy and didn't close it.

That's when she walked in.

What do I do now?

Sad Anniversaries

Miss you, Dad.

Lost & Found

For those that care to notice, I briefly put a message on my Google Chat profile that said, "l o s t . . ."

I'm not sure why I put it there. Maybe it was a cry for help. There really is no help anyone can offer because I don't have a specific problem. In fact, you could argue that I am nearly problem-less. I am the antithesis of problematic. Life couldn't get any better. People envy my life. I've got the perfect job. The perfect kids. The perfect nanny. And I've got The Wife. Seriously, could you ask for anything more?

Well, since you asked - yes you could.

My whole life has been structured. High school. College. Well, okay. That one didn't start out all that structured, which is why I dropped out and joined the Army. Back to structure. Back to college. Med school. Army. Internship. Residency. Germany. Washington. Lieutenant Colonel.

And now I'm out of the Army, I am adrift on a sea of structureless perfection. I get up. I go to work. I come home. Wash, rinse and repeat. This is such a foreign concept to me that I don't know what to do. Well, technically that's not true. In the absence of structure, I go looking for it. Lately, I have been contacting recruiters to see if perhaps I should go into the Reserves. Or maybe back on Active Duty. Today I had a lengthy discussion with a Navy recruiter. How does Commander Chako sound? A helluva lot better than Commander Riker if you ask me.

You see, I need structure in my life. Something to look forward to. Some guiding hand that leads me around. I'm restless. Why can't it be like it was when someone else decided my fate?

As it turns out, the hands of fate may have a little twist in store for the Chako household. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the one year anniversary of my father's death is this week. Perhaps it's no coincidence that as I hovered my mouse over my "l o s t . . ." message, it drifted over my sister's icon, which happens to be showing a picture of my dad.

Whatever the reason for the uncertainty, I find myself extremely excited at the unknown. I'm fond of the saying, "It all works out in the end." I really believe it. It's time to test the theory.

Tilting Lee Jones

Well, despite good intentions, I just don't have the motivation to write up the rest of the Mastodon weekend. It was awesome on a whole other level. That's all you need to know.

That said, I promised a post about Tilting Lee Jones, and here it is. Let me spoil the surprise right here in the beginning - you can't tilt Lee. But, you can make him raise an eyebrow. Unfortunately, "Lee Jones Raises an Eyebrow" isn't a catchy title for a blog post.

First of all, let me say how cool it was to sit in a home game and have one of your poker heroes volunteer to be the dealer. Seriously - he dealt PLO, PLO8 and NL Hold 'em until 4 am. He was right there with correct bet amounts whenever a random drunk (i.e. ME) yelled, "POT!" He was courteous, kind and conversational. In short, he's the kind of guy I would want in MY home game. Oh yeah, he's also the guy that wrote the first poker book I ever read, "Winning Low-Limit Hold'em." I told him a story about the book (which I don't think he believed, but it's absolutely true), that I played in a tournament with a young kid and beat him soundly. Afterwards he came up to me asking for advice. It was obvious to me that he didn't know the basics. He asked me what to read and Lee's book was the only one I recommended. Well, that kid came back two weeks later and busted me out early from the same tournament.

When I told this to Lee he seemed confused. You see, his book has nothing to do with tournament play. Why would it be helpful in this situation? Well, it does such a great job at covering the basics that it really applies to all situations. If you are even remotely interested in poker, pick it up.

Now the hand. I have position and we are playing PLO. Lee pots it in early position and I call with A-2-6-Q rainbow (or something really close). The flop is 3-4-x with two diamonds. I have basically nothing at this point. We are heads up and Lee pots it again. I call. My call here was for one reason only. Namely, I'm about to make a play on Lee F-n* Jones. Well, the miracle card comes on the turn - it's the 5 which completes my straight to the six. Lee pots it again, and I do something very strange. I raise him $100. Why didn't I just pot it, you ask? Because I was drunk and excited and I made a mistake. Sue me.

Lee goes into the tank. After probably a full minute, he announces to the table, "I never do this, but if I fold and show you my hand, will you show me yours?"

I'm reminded of a story about a young amateur playing golf with Jack Nicklaus. Jack is minding his own business when the amateur hits a great iron shot. Jack comes over and casually asks, "What club did you hit there?" That one moment will be frozen in time forever. The Master shows interest in the neophyte! I felt the same way.

When I turned over my hand, Lee exclaimed, "A gutshot? You were chasing a gut shot?!"

I replied, "Look at my hand. I had nothing. I called the flop simply to make a play on you. If a diamond comes on the turn and you bet out, I was going to re-pot. As it turned out, I got lucky." **

Well, I don't think Lee believed me. Further evidence of this was that after the game, he gave me an invite to his next home game. It was probably the same way Doyle Brunson would butter up would be "producers" back in the day. Still, I'd take him up on that offer any day. He's true class.


* Not actually his middle name.
** Based on what he was holding, it would have worked. He would have made a flush, but only to the 9.

Mastodon Trip Report

After some hard thinking (read: I finally sobered up), I realize that most of what happened this weekend doesn't translate well to a blog. You had to be there. So, once again, let me coin a phrase from Inigo Montoya, "There is too much. Let me sum up."

As I sat at the bar with Iggy, reveling in the insanity of this group, I was once again awed by his insight. We separately had come to the realization that this group, well, it just works. We each have something to offer and, damnit, it's worth driving or flying from Canada, Chicago, Seattle, or wherever.

Man hugs with BamBam and not-so-man hugs with Pebbles made the trip worthwhile. 'Nuf said.

It was an interesting contrast of brothers. In one corner we had Otis and Dr. Jeff. When my boys grow up, I want them to have this relationship. They look out for each other. In corner #2 we have BG and the (absent) BB. Meeting the other brother was very cool. Technically we had met before, but I just realized they were related. I'm not sure which one was trying to hide the relationship from the public, if in fact they were. Regardless, it all makes sense now.

In the 3rd corner we have Steve and Tripjax. Trip - it was cool meeting you. I hope you survived the elements. 'Nuf said.

Next up - conversations with Otis, BadBlood and Falstaff, and of course, Tilting Lee Jones.

A Blog-Worthy Weekend

So many thing to blog about, but I'm meeting Falstaff for breakfast (at noon - which is in about 10 minutes). Here are some things coming in the next few days:

• Traveling 3000+ miles and not being the one with the most arduous journey
• Seeing and conversing with these degenerates
• Highlights of conversations Al, Iggy, Pebbles & BamBam, Dr. Jeff, Otis, Falstaff and so many more
• Playing the biggest home game ever
• Tilting Lee Jones - this will be a post all by itself
• Seeing Greenville, SC - who knew this was actually a cool place to live?

Now, I must have food.

Playlist

In preparation for my three-legged flight to the debauchery that has come to be known as Mastodon weekend, I am trying to prepare my MP3 player. I have a Sansa (Sandisk) m200 series, and it sucks. That's what I get for cheaping-out and not getting an iPod like everyone else. I used it in Iraq, but it took hours to get music on and off it. I eventually figured it out, but now I can't remember how I did it. My biggest problem is that I have two playlists on the player that are huge. I want to delete them, but Windows Media Player won't let me.

I tried searching for a solution on wikibooks. They have 10 different "solutions," at least two of which are labeled, "This is the easiest way." Then I read stuff like this:

create an extended m3u (EXTM3U) playlist file using Windows Media 9

...and my eyes get all blurry.

Here is where I need your help. Either tell me an easy way to fix this using simple words that I can understand, or tell me to get an iPod.

Thanks.

Life Lessons - from an 11 year old

The Wife was going to blog this, but she's sleeping in order to be rested for skiing later today. I'll give it a shot.

Last night we were out at dinner, and the subject of reciprocity came up. We talked about doing something nice for someone while expecting something in return. I then asked son #1 the following question:

Dr. Chako: What do you call it when someone does something nice for someone and expects nothing in return?

Son #1: Is it... retarded?

Mastodon Weekend

I can't resist a good party. If you need me next weekend, I'll be here:

Help?

My hospital is huge and confusing. There is a central multi-level square with a long hallway to a nursing/bed tower and a 90 degree hallway to a medical mall. Patients are often found wandering the hallways with a confused, lost look in their eyes. The good news is that every single employee here - doctors, nurses, janitorial staff, you name it - will stop a lost soul and ask if they need directions. It's one of the things I love about this place.

Today I was walking past a young orderly who was giving directions to an older woman pushing her husband in a wheelchair. As I approached, I heard the woman say, "Is this the way out? My car is by the nursing tower." As I passed, I heard the orderly reply, "Sure is! Just head down to the elevator, go up one floor, and then out you go!" This caused me to stop in my tracks.

"Excuse me," I interjected. "Were you looking to get out?" They replied that yes, that's exactly what they wanted.

"Well, you can head straight down this hallway, right out the doors into the parking lot. No elevator necessary!"

"Really?" replied the orderly. "We're not in the basement?"

"Umm... see those big windows there? Nope. Not in the basement."

I'm glad I came along when I did. The thought of this woman pushing her husband out the 2nd story window is just terrifying.

Vegas Valentines - Trip Report

What a trip. I can't tell you everything. Suffice it to say it was an incredible time. Despite not seeing 80's hair metal, we still had a blast. This was a people-meeting trip. After hooking up with my buddies Mike and Scott and their lovely better-halves, we all I took off for some entertainment at the Health Club (AKA Olympic Gardens). These stories will only be pulled from me after much alcohol. You're buying. Let's just say I didn't stop smiling until... well, I still haven't stopped. Remind me to tell you about my leather belt.

After we had all the "health" we could handle at the Health Club, we met up with Dave and CK, and I already told you how awesome that was. We got to bed around 4:30am Valentines Day morning, and finally dragged our asses out of bed around noon to play a little poker. I got into a juicy game of 6/12 HORSE just as they were starting the game. First orbit is Hold 'em, and - no fooling - I won 7 of the 9 hands played. It turns out I owe it all to The Hammer!

First hand I'm dealt pocket 7s and I bet on all streets. I win without showing. Next hand I get the all-powerful hammer, so naturally I raise. Two callers and we see a flop with random ugly cards. I bet out and get called by one local. I've played with him before, but I doubt he remembers me. Turn puts two spades out there. I bet. He calls. River is a blank. I bet. He calls. Now here is where the magic happens. I turn over The Hammer and say, "Beat that!"

He turns over King-high. WTF???!!! Are you f-in' serious?! He called me with that?!

Well, I just smiled and congratulated him on a great read. Next hand, I have KK. I get to the river against two others and drag. Next hand I have AK. Everyone folds when I bet the turn. Next hand is 77 again. I flop a set, but the board puts 5 spades out there, and the idiot with pocket 6s has the 6 of spades to take pot #2 away from me.

The remaining hands in the orbit were less memorable, but I won them all. I owe it all to The Hammer. I never would have gotten that much action or made that much money in one orbit without showing down that hand. Yet, despite my awesomeness, I couldn't compete with The Wife (I know. What else is new?). You'll have to go to her blog for that story, though.

In the evening, we met up with my old college buddy Colin and his lovely wife Martha. I haven't seen Colin in almost 18 years. Despite being from London, Ontario, he picked up his family and moved to Vegas to follow his dream of developing a company called THUNDERBALL! which markets and showcases golfing long-drive champions. He's even going to have 3 shows on the Golf Channel. And I can say, "I knew him when."

We ended the trip with The Wife at the spa and me at a juicy 1/2 NL table, booking yet another win. All in all, it was a great trip. The Wife may say differently, but I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want to spend Valentines Day weekend with.

Vegas Valentines

We got into Vegas last night at 10pm and never stopped running. Our tale of the evening is Olympic Gardens, where we had our own Existentialist Conversations with Strippers. My favorite line?

"Wow! 21 years in the Army AND you were in Iraq? How are you are totally not F***ed up?"

This was followed by drinks with the lovely CK and her man-toy. We have such a great time when we get together. Give me someone who tells great stories any day!

More later. Perhaps.

Cars - Part V The Final Reveal

Are you ready for the big finale? Here it is!

I bought a Ferrari.

Let that roll around in your head for a while. While it's percolating, you wanna see it? Here it is:

Beautiful isn't it?

I love the interior. I love the exterior. This car is the culmination of my lifelong dream. I feel like I should be standing on a podium accepting it as an award. "I'd like to thank all the people that made this possible," I would say.

At this point, I imagine your reactions are varied. If you are a guy, you might be thinking, "Good for you! I'd do it if I had the means." Others amongst you are sadly shaking your heads and thinking, "Hasn't he heard about the economy? Doesn't he know people are losing their jobs left and right? How callous can he be?!"If you are married to me, you now have confirmation that your husband is, in fact, an idiot. You also are looking at real estate because one of us might have to move out (not as far from reality as you might think). And finally, at least one of you has proposed marriage. At this point in time, I'm still taken, but check back in a little while.

Now, before you write me off completely, here comes The Rest of the Story. The car was aggressively priced. They are still expensive, but this one was about $10K below market. Of course, I insisted on an independent pre-purchase inspection (PPI) from a reputable dealer. It turns out that these PPI places are few and far between in the outback of Alabama, where the car was located. I found a place called Hesco in Birmingham. I can't say enough good things about these guys. They were up front that they didn't work on a lot of Ferraris, but they'd do their best. Here is a short list of what they found:

• The exhaust was cracked and leaking
• The catalytic converters were broken
• It might need a new clutch
• There was oil seepage
• The dash was pulling at the edges
• The electric canvas top needed "help" (a push with the hand) whenever it was closed
• The under panels were broken
• The brake sensor wires were disconnected

Some of these are known issues with this model Ferrari (the 360 F1 Spider), but it all adds up to make this car even more expensive than one in good repair. End result? No Ferrari. At least not right now.

It would be an understatement of epic proportions to say that The Wife is relieved. At the very least, she doesn't have to kick me to the curb (at least not yet). If we buy real estate it will be as an investment, not as a place for me to move into. We also don't have to park one of our cars in the driveway, which would have been necessary with a 4th car.

This was the right decision, for many reasons. For now, the dream of ownership remains just that - a dream. For one shining moment, I was a Ferrari owner. I will be again, some day. Hopefully, I'll be able to hang on to all the other great things in my life, too.

My Sci-Fi Character

My last installment of the Cars series would be here already if I didn't keep getting distracted with these silly things!

Seattle Blogger Home Game!

This is what I was facing to my right!

Many thanks to MeanHappyGuy for hosting. I was going to write a bunch of flowery stuff, but it's been done by better writers than me already. My thoughts are these:

• Yes, The Wife is HOT. When I saw what she intended to wear, I almost didn't want to leave the house. But that would be selfish, no? Remember, I have a huge ego. What better way to show everyone my awesomeness than parading around my trophy wife in her low-cut tee-shirt.



• I drank WAY too much.



• I'm awesome at Roshambo.



• Fortunately, because I won at Roshambo, it meant I didn't have to drive home.



• Unfortunately, it also meant that I didn't care at all that The Wife was being ogled and fondled by a bunch of horny geek poker-bloggers. Right in front of me. A lot.



• It also meant that I donked off half my stack in the cash game because I couldn't read my own hand. Apparently the alcohol made me think I had the ability to read other hands, though. Yeah, not so much.



• Donking off my stack wouldn't have hurt so much until I realized that most of it was to our host, who also wrote a memorable write up of the evening. Basically, he got my money and he got to rub all over The Wife. I'm pretty sure I got the raw end of that deal.



• All totalled, it was everything you would want in a poker blogger gathering. If you weren't there, you missed one helluva night.



• Did I mention that The Wife is hot?

Cars - Part IVa

Okay - one quicky before my final reveal. This one also has to do with cars, kinda.

I was driving to work yesterday morning when I passed a Mercedes Benz sport coupe. I caught a flash of short blonde hair from the driver, but that's about it. If you know me, you know I have an innate fear of blondes (believing they are evil in some way), but that doesn't stop me from acknowledging a cute one in the wild.

Well, we get to the stop light and she pulls along side of me. Actually, she had stopped a little short, but then she pulled up right next to my car. She was checking ME out! We made eye contact and both smiled at each other. I lost the staring contest and looked away first. As the light turned green, I checked once again. Sure enough - big smile aimed right at me. I've still got it!

As she pulled away, I caught her license plate:

BUBBY-3

If anyone needs me, I'll be drinking heavily.

Cars - Part IV

In the 4th of this 5 part series, I want to point out three additional items that brought me to the obsessive idiot I am today.

Matchbox

Most of the guys out there - the real ones that didn't play with dolls - had Matchbox cars as a kid. I understand some of those old cars may actually be worth something today, but as a kid I didn't care. I loved racing them around the shag-pile carpet and up the wood-paneled walls of my little house in upstate New York. I made all the noises and added the crashing sound effects, too. At one point, I had a car much like the Ferrari F50 in the picture, but I accidentally stepped on it. At first I was crushed (no pun intended), but then I realized it was even cooler now that it was flatter. Aerodynamics, baby!

Do NOT Speed on 684!

Mom had a lead foot. Mom had a Chevy Impala. Mom drove fast.

After I got my license, I figured out that certain cars had an extra little umph when you stepped on them. This was that car. A big ol' 8-cylinder engine is a dangerous thing in the hands of an 18 year old. We had a road that ran between Poughkeepsie and Connecticut called Highway 684. It was notorious for cops. There were speed traps every 5 miles or so. Being the clever kid I was, I figured out where all the traps were and found out that if I timed it just right, I could drive really fast without getting caught. Well, I passed the cut off and gunned the engine. I watched that needle slide to the right. 110. 120. 130. I passed a mile marker and checked my watch. When I passed the next mile marker only 26 seconds had elapsed. The speedometer said I was doing 140. Off the gas and feather the brakes. Down to a more respectable 55. Check the mirror. No cops. Whew.

Fine Corinthian Leather

I can still hear the voice of Ricardo Montelban on the commercial for the Plymouth Volare. Dad got a deal on it from his buddy, Bob. It had 4-on-the-floor and it was much cooler then the green station wagon (or the Volkswagon bus that I can barely remember). One day Dad says to me, "Wanna see a power shift?" Before I could ask what that was, Dad punches the gas and starts flying through the gears. He had this intense look of concentration. I was about 13 years old and just giggling from the passenger's seat. After we slowed down, Dad explained that he used to race an old TR3 when he lived in Kerhonkson. I knew it! Dad was a racer.

Next up - the final installment.

Cars - Part III

Originally this was supposed to be a 3 part series. After I found this video, I realized that the video with Riccardo Patrese was actually Part I. That makes my long entry Part II and this Part III.

I love driving a car with a manual shifter. Some people aren't so good at it. At least they aren't this bad!

Short Break from Cars

Part II of Cars should come tomorrow or the next day. For now I have three shorts that may or may not be related.

1. A paper grocery bag has been sitting at the end of my driveway for about a week. I've ignored it until today. When I opened it, I found two Ziploc baggies filled with white powder. I left it right where I found it, and after a short powwow with The Wife, I called 911.

2. Michael Phelps' halo has come crashing around his neck, potentially costing him millions. Dude, I've seen the picture. That could have been anyone! Did you have to come out and admit it was you right away?! Plausible deniability. C'mon man. Your sin is choosing your friends poorly.

3. The latest issue of Truckin' is out. Go. Read.

Any similarity between these three drug-related items is probably coincidental.

Cars - Part I

People that know me well know about my obsession with Ferrari. Hell, people that don't know me well probably know about it, too. I do tend to go on and on about them. It's gotten to the point where I've overheard people talking about me and saying, "Dr. Chako? Yeah, he's that Ferrari-guy." But where did this come from?

The love affair begins at, of all places, IHOP

Dad and I were just coming out after breakfast. There in the parking lot sat two beautiful sports cars. I had never heard of Maserati before, but Dad sure had. The reverent tone he used when talking about them must have rung differently to my 8 year old ears. I would come to find out later that I was looking at matching Meraks, one red and one blue.

They looked mean just sitting there. I was hooked. We talked about them on the way home. Seeing my enthusiasm, Dad was sure to mention how unreliable they were and how rare it was to see one in the wild, since most were sitting in a shop somewhere, waiting on expensive parts that might never come. He wasn't convincing, though. I don't think he wanted to be.





What's a Ghia? Sounds Ghey.


Despite the horrible-sounding name, the next car to catch my fancy was the Karmann Ghia. I think it was even this color:


We again saw it in the parking lot of another restaurant, this time at a diner on Route 9 in Wappingers Falls, NY. It intrigued me because it was unlike anything else on the road. The name sounded cool, too. It was a car with hips. And it was small, too. Small and sexy with hips - does it come as a surprise that I was hitting puberty right about this time?


Gotta love Italians

Next up was the Detomasso Pantera. This was the first car I actually heard as well as saw. In a neighborhood filled with Iroc's and Mustangs, this car really stood out. The rear tires seems wider than they had a right to be and the sound was intoxicating. I was a little disappointed to find out they weren't true blood Italian sports cars, having a Ford powerplant, but I could tell by the curves that no American was at the helm of the design team.

I'm never washing this gash on my face again!

The last major formative car from my youth (besides the Ferrari) was an El Camino.


I hated the design and I hated the guy who drove it. He was one of the older boys and he was mean. Still, he had a car and I, being about 15 or 16, didn't. He used to pass us when we were waiting for the school bus. On more than one occasion, he'd gun it and spin the tires, throwing rocks all over us. I hated him for that most of all. Still, I envied him and vowed that some day, I'd be the one with the cool car. And I'd never abuse the power, either.





Next up, the inevitable transition to Ferrari.

How to Drive with Your Wife

You do not need to understand Italian to get this. FYI - Riccardo Patrese is a noted race car driver. The lovely young lass is his wife.

Edit: I just found the version with subtitles.

Movie Review - Benjamin Button

Two hour crying fest for The Wife.

Thoughts on a New President

Congratulations, Mr. Obama. You are the 44th President of the United States of America. Even I, a moderate Republican, wish you well.

I have some random thoughts.

• I was picking up my dog from the kennel during the inauguration, so I missed quite a bit. I'm pretty sure I'll catch up in the re-runs.
• I asked the kennel manager, I nice woman about my age, if she was watching the festivities. She furrowed her brow and then rolled her eyes as if to say, I've got better things to do.
  
• I'm not sure if the undertone was that she was a Republican or just too busy. Perhaps there was a racial slant. I'm really not sure and frankly I don't care. She kept it to herself (other than the eye roll) and she takes really good care of my dog.
  
• John Roberts should have practiced his one and only job of administering the oath so he wouldn't flub his lines.
• Since this is a poker blog, I will note that President Barack Obama used the phrase, "We can no longer stand pat..."

I'm sure one of his first acts as president will be to overturn the UIGEA.

Two Bits

Two bits of info to ponder. Or not. I'm not the boss of you.

1. I saw I licence plate today that said:

IDH8ME2

As if that wasn't enough, the license plate holder had it spelled out, just in case you didn't get the puzzle. It was on a Jaguar. I didn't get a look at the driver. It's probably a good thing.

2. It's been a long while since I pimped anyone. Here is a quick excerpt from Dr. Pauly as if you needed a reminder why he's the best in the business:

"I watched women's luge the other day and all I could think about is how the hell can I bet on it?"

Finally, head on over to BamBam and shout your encouragement into his comments. I'm mighty proud of what they're trying to do up in Bedrock.

That's all for now.

Great Mysteries - Solved!

Today I solved a great mystery. My solution was eloquent, simple and, dare I say, brilliant.

It was also a total waste of time.

As a radiologist in the 21st century, most of what I do is on computers. You would not believe how complex this system is. We have 3 major components that must talk with each other and they aren't even written in the same language. Our major order entry site is DOS-based, for crying out loud.

Most radiologists only want to diagnose diseases. Believe me, that's the best part of my job. I'm a little different in that I spend extra time figuring out how the backbone works. In my opinion, it's the only way to know how to fix a problem if something goes wrong. Most docs are happy to let professionals handle this part. The problem is that when I discover a new and compelling mystery, I attack it with the same vigor as a mass in the abdomen. I must find out where it came from and why.

Without going into too much detail, I'll tell you that several x-rays were being cancelled even though the x-rays were actually shot. This presents a problem because the system thinks it never happened and cancels my interpretation. The finished report never gets to the ordering doctor because it has no where to go. I found out that the orders were being cancelled by the pharmacy. Without going into too much detail, I reasoned that the pharmacist wasn't deliberately cancelling the exam, it was a glitch in the system and it was an easy fix.

The problem is that when I explained this to the folks that can fix it, they got very excited. "We can study this!" they cried. "By checking when the order was cancelled, we can figure out when it's happening and move to correct the source problem."

"No. No. No." I replied. "It's just a glitch. . ." But it was too late. A mission was given and they were on task.

I'm going back to diagnosing people. In the mean time, I'm calling the ordering doctor to apologize that she isn't getting formal results on the computer, but I'll tell her what she needs to know on the phone.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function. - Georges Clemenceau

I'm Not That Old

After telling an embarrassing story about myself to an old friend, he told me to never tell that story to anyone again. I have a problem keeping my mouth shut if I think it's a good story, even if it reflects poorly on me.

This is one of those stories that I should probably keep to myself.

I was on line to buy tickets to the movies. The family was waiting inside to stay out of the cold. Over my left shoulder I caught a glimpse of medium length red hair surrounding a cute face and shapely figure, at least from what I could tell on a quick over the shoulder glance.

We inched forward and I stole a few more glances. Cuteness confirmed. I guess I glanced one too many times, because she caught me. I gave a quick smile and quickly looked away. I thought she returned the smile, but I'll never know.

I finally made it to the window. As I'm paying for my tickets she comes up to the window next to me and says, "One senior please."

I'm going back to bed. I'm pulling the covers over my head, and I'm not getting up until it's 1987.

Running and Creativity

Well, I posted on Facebook that I was headed out for and run, and run I did. I was going to the gym 4 or 5 times a week as recently as November, but I took December off for some reason. It shows. There are 3 hills on my standard 3 mile route. Before I left for Iraq (when I weighed over 180 pounds), I used to walk up two or all three. When I got back, I sailed through the course at a full run without ever thinking about walking. I even remember thinking, "I can't believe I ever found this hard!"

Well, I'm back to walking a bit. It's a little demoralizing, but I figure it's okay to be a little demoralized as long as you are out running. If I look at it correctly, this can be a motivator to get back to where I was in April.

I think a lot when I'm running. I've gotten crazy good ideas. I've written whole songs. I came up with the perfect commercial for Nike. Dad and I used to discuss our "Million Dollar Ideas" every Sunday. Mine usually came to me while running. For over a year I spent every jog thinking about how to build a perpetual motion machine.

I think it's the fact that a little pain without distactions tends to clear my head. For me, if there is a little stress in my life, I'm always more creative.

When are you creative?

Movie Review - Despereaux

Dangerously preachy.

Resolutions

Resolutions - How mundane.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcast to talk about a growing problem - my waistline. When I got back from Iraq in March, I was the most fit I've ever been in my entire life (and that includes both marathons I ran in 1989 and 2003). I even posted a picture of my new cut abs. Well, those abs are gone again. I'm not as heavy as I was before I left for the war, but I'm getting there.

This morning I got on the scale at 172.
When I got back from Iraq I was 154.

My plan is to get to 165 in 3 months. That's a little over 2 pounds a month. I've done it before. In fact, I've lost even more than that, so I feel this is attainable. To start things off, I went for a run this morning - in the freezing rain. It felt pretty good, to be honest. I got some great flashbacks from when I trained for the Paris marathon. Back then I was running every morning at 4 am. In the winter. In Germany.

This is gonna be cake. Well, maybe soy cake. Or tofu. You get the point.

Anyone wanna come along with me?

2008 Year in Review

It's that time again. Time for me to look back on my posts from the year and pull out those that were memorable or interesting. I don't have any illusions that you'll click through - I'm not that great a writer - but maybe these will jog some good memories. Unfortunately, they'll also jog some bad ones, which is why I'm dreading March. Anyway, here goes:

January:

As you probably know, I was in Iraq on New Years Day 2008. It's tough to be away, especially on the holidays. I started the year off by Playing God and presenting a very interesting ethical dilemma regarding an Iraqi detainee with a tumor.

Channeling Spock showed two great things - that I'm a geek and that we had some problem soldiers out there.

I found out that my nanny crashed my car. Not something you want to hear when you are off fighting a war.

I dropped the Iraqi Hammer!

I made some predictions for 2008. Most didn't come true.

I found out The Wife was unfaithful. Yet one more thing you don't want to hear when you are overseas (but, in this case, it turned out okay).

A perfect way to end January - by recommending you read someone else! Two people in fact.

February

I started out by talking about some of the less glorious parts of my job. Still, it gave me a chuckle writing about balls.

I sent a note to my Valentine.

I wrote just the shell of a Mass Casualty situation I encountered. I've never told that full story. I might never.

This 3 line post sums up how hard it is to be away.

Most importantly, I talked about my War Buddies. They will always be with me.

March

I started off wishing my dad a happy birthday.

He was dead 3 days later, and it was time for transitions.

RIP Dad.

Shit. I can't write more right now. I'll post more later.

Numbers Geek

As if you needed more proof that I'm a geek...

Wizard of Oz - Post 600

I was looking to do something monumental for my 600th post, but instead I'll just put up this video of bloopers from the Wizard of Oz. It's somehow appropriate. Don't think about it too hard. Just enjoy Judy's singing and remember the good feelings you had whenever this show came on the air - bloopers and all.

Review - The Day the Earth Stood Still

Preachy.

Edit - I'd rather watch this 4 second video over and over again.

Happy Holidays from the Chako Clan

Tonight is the 5th night of Hanukkah and it's also Christmas. Our wonderful Au Pair remarked that this is her 1st white Christmas (she's from Brazil). Tonight we dine on a wonderful turkey (with stuffing that includes liver - yum!) in a house that smells like you'd imagine a Norman Rockwell painting would smell.

Happy holidays to you and yours.

Stranded

This will be remembered as the Epic Storm of 2008. It will even be recalled with capital letters.

I've never heard of an airline just shutting down, at least not in the Pac Northwest. Don't they realize it snows here? OK, I'll admit it's more known for the rain, but this is just nuts. I was supposed to be on-call at the hospital starting last night, but that's a bit difficult when you are standing on a 4-hour line at LAX waiting for the pushy Chinese guy in the VIP line to stop butting in front of everyone to ask if someone is going to get his bags. I'm rarely confrontational, but when he said to Carol, our overworked and overtired agent, "I've been waiting for 20 minutes!" I replied, "I've been waiting for 4 hours, so back off." I may have even squared up a little. Don't mess with The Doc when he has to pee.

After I calmed down (and got someone to take my call for me), I realized that being stranded means another couple of days at Disneyland with the family.

Things could be worse.

Memories are Fading...

Must write now.

It's only been 3 days since we got back. The memories are becoming a little fuzzy, but there are a few I want to document for the ages.

• Steel Panther - I could write 1000 words about this show alone, but I won't. It was clearly the 2nd best thing on this trip (the first being seeing all the bloggers). Hanging out with Dr. Jeff, BadBlood, Peaker, April, The Wife and (of course) StB was friggin' awesome. Steve, I didn't mean to dis you at dinner. You are NOT chopped liver, sir.
• Sleep - At some point, I fell asleep during the rock concert. This IS NOT to be taken as a slight on the show. It's only my age showing. At some point, you should expect to see a picture of my sleeping ass with a happy bunch of degenerates posing and pointing at my sorry state.
• Golf - the reason I fell asleep at the show is that, while most bloggers were fast asleep on Friday morning, Miami Don picked me up for a 9 am tee-time at Angel Park. Don - you are officially The Man. While many bloggers talked about playing, you and I were the only ones serious enough to follow through. You will forever be an A-lister for the effort.
• Making Out - At one point, a very sexy and very non-Wife blogger came up to me when I was playing mixed games, grabbed me and proceeded to plant a serious one right on my mouth. I believe there was tongue. It. Was. Awesome. I must admit, the fact that The Wife was standing there watching made it even better.
• Dinner - I have had tons more experience with the Fancy Food than this guy, but rarely have I had more fun at dinner. Thank you SO MUCH Princess, and congrats again on the tourney win. When most players tell me that their opponent "never had a chance," I know it's just bragging. In your case, it was a genuinely honest assessment. Well done.
• Bloggers - I was fortunate to finally meet several more. I want to put all your names here, but I'm sure I'd miss a few and then you'd be upset and never read my stuff again. I would like to mention that it was a pleasure meeting Betty for the first time. You actually exist - who knew?!

WPBT 2008 - Trip Report

Well, another epic blogger gathering is in the books. These faces I only see once or twice a year are now all familiar to me. I belong in this group. It's good to feel like you belong in a group like this. It took a while to feel this way, even though they accepted me long before I accepted them. That's not quite true, I guess. Let just say long before I allowed myself to accept them. Does that make any sense?

Not much to report in the tournament. I doubled through RecessRampage when my A8 turned two pair against his AK and he couldn't get away from it. I actually may have been the tournament leader at that point. I eventually got up to over $24,000 in the first level before my AA ran into a set of 8s and I fell in love with my hand. My bustout was pretty standard fare. My JJ got beat by A 10 and someone (sorry - too drunk to remember who) got a very nice coin that I brought back from Iraq.

Poker was awesome when playing against bloggers or blogger associates (sorry Dr. Jeff), but a bit of a bust in the non-blogger cash games. This time my money makers were playin short handed 2/5 NL with BadBlood and Dr. Jeff at Green Valley Ranch and playing mixed games at the IP and MGM. I own Badugi. Fear me. Seriously. Alas, I gave some back at the Venetian HORSE game and I think a 1/2 NL game. I was probably too drunk to be playing in that game, but at least I didn't rebuy.

So off I went to Rage Solo. How I ended up at O'Sheas shooting dice remains a mystery that will be lost for the ages, but it's good to know that my losing streak at craps is still intact. Seriously, it's 12 sessions in a row. I know it's a -EV game, but you'd think it would give me hope so that I might come back at some point. Oh wait. I come back anyway. Hmmm...

And now, the sun is up on Sunday morning and we're facing a rapid check out followed by some serious grub. Tomorrow, I hope to tell you about the Steel Panther show (do not miss it) and some more of these incredible people called bloggers. My kinda people.

Golf in Vegas - WPBT 2008

Well, we really screwed the pooch with this one. Golf will be played (oh yes it will), but it will unorganized. Gotta love bloggers.

I'd love to have at least 8 players, but I'll go by myself if I have to. I plan on playing Friday morning, preferably teeing off around 10 am. It will be very boring playing a skins game against myself (I'm easily beatable).

Who's with me? Right now I think CK, F-Train and Miami Don have expressed an interest. Drizz? Rooster? Bueller? Anyone?


Edit: Did I just say I beat myself?

Updating the Ol' Blogroll

Obviously, it's been a while since I updated the blogroll. I don't have obvious choices like BamBam. Some don't exist anymore like Seattle John. Some, for all intents and purposes, don't exist anymore, like Amy C (did you fall off the planet?).

Who else am I missing?

That Which is Left

In all my years of writing and blogging, I have only deleted one post - this morning. This is what's left.

She hobbled across the road, not with purpose, and not even with direction. Half way across she began to deviate from the white-striped cross walk toward the front of my cab. That's how I got such a good look at her. At first I thought she was drunk. Couldn't blame her, really. Her skin was as dark as they come. She had very wide lips that were parted to allow puffs of cold breath to swirl amongst the exhaust fumes. Her coat was in tatters. Her cane drifted lazily in her left hand, only occasionally striking the pavement, but certainly not in any sort of helpful way. Her eyes darted to my cab, ostensibly to see if she was going to be run over. The red hand had stopped flashing and the horns followed right behind. It was her eyes that did this to me.

She was born around 1955, and had a lot of mileage on those wheels. How did she come to be crossing the street on a cold Chicago evening? Where was she headed? What was her purpose?

A better question. Did she need a purpose? Had she ever really thought about it? People are born, they live their lives and they pass on. What makes her different from me? Nothing, really. She is a mass of carbon and water. She is a conscious, self-aware, living entity with dreams and stories. In the end, she'll cease to exist. The universe will cease to exist, at least for her. Come to think of it, when your world ceases to exist, does it really matter if it continues for anyone else?

But there she went, weaving towards some destination in her world with some importance to her. And I went my way, cruising in my cab towards a warm scotch at the top of the Hancock building. Yet another stop along the path.

RSNA - How to Do it Better Next Time

This post is for me and my radiologist readers. It's boring. Move along. For those of you actual radiology folk, please feel free to add any additional suggestions in the comments.

Next time you come to Chicago for RSNA, plan a little better, please. This trip was okay, but you can do it better.

• Book as far in advance as possible. If you wait to the last minute, you miss out on some good lectures.
• Use the lecture schedule on the website to plan ahead. It's cumbersome, but useful.
• Book the hotel by yourself if you can. The best places as far as I can tell are the Hyatt (attached to the McCormick Place, therefore no need for a taxi or bus), the Fairmont (where Mike stayed), the Peninsula, and Park Hyatt. Best Western is decent from what I could see from the outside. There is a really good Hilton on Michigan Ave.
  
• Never EVER stay at the Congress Plaza Hotel.
• If you stay on Michigan Ave, ask for a room with a view of Grant Park. Pay for the upgrade if necessary.
• Before you book, ask if there is internet access in the room. Several hotels don't have it, believe it or not.
• Call reps early and often in the weeks and months before RSNA. Remember to call Ron from Toshiba, Pam and Heidi from GE and Mandy from Bracco (even though she punched you in the arm. A lot.).
• Only 1/2 of the doctors wore suits this time (as opposed to 1999 where every one did). Suits are never out of place, but by Thursday you can dress as casually as you want.
• Even though the conference goes through Friday at noon, you should probably book your return flight for 3 pm on Thursday. The Friday lecture this morning was good, but probably not good enough to extend the trip another day.
• Remember that the main building is the South Building. Lakeside is east. This is important if you are taking a taxi.
• Buses are actually quite good, and they're free for RSNA attendees. Route 1B is the one that goes along Michigan Ave.
• Lectures begin on Sunday, so depending on what time you arrive, you can actually get in a good lecture right away.
• Start drinking alcohol at least 3 weeks before you come. Reps have expense accounts and you need to be prepared.

Anything else?

360 Days of the Year I'm a Geek...

...but for 5 days in early December, I get to be a Rock Star.

RSNA 2008 is wrapping up. By this time tomorrow we'll be just about done. I met some great people here. I saw some good (and some not so good) lectures. I ate over $1000 of food (not an exaggeration) and paid for almost none of it. I made business contacts and I really feel like my small radiology corporation is going to take off because of things I've learned from this meeting.

Things I will miss:

• Obviously, I'll miss being treated like a Rock Star. By Saturday I'll be back to being just Dad and a regular ol' doctor.
• I'll miss the food.
  
• I'll miss the free drinks. I had Johnny Walker Blue for the first time (maybe a little better than average, but you won't find me spending $200 for a bottle anytime soon).
• I'll miss the sun. Seriously. It's been sunny almost every day.
  
• I'll miss the flirty booth babes. We met one at a bar last night and she introduced herself as Mandy. "Like the song!" I replied. She leaned in close and said, "You know. You came and you gave without taking." It was 10 minutes later that my buddy Mike said, "You know, I think she was hitting on you."
  

Things I will not miss:

• Apparently, I insulted Mandy at some point. She told me her brother is in residency to be an ER doc. I may have called him an idiot (my apologies to your brother, Brad). She began striking me repeatedly. Honest, honey. These bruises on my arm are from a crazed booth babe.
• I didn't need anyone to tell me that she was hitting on me this time.
• I will not miss hearing the phrase "Deep Dive." As in, "If you want to get a deep dive into the inner workings of our new Dual-Phase detector, I'll have to call over our Physicist."
• I'll will not miss the bitter cold.
• Mostly, I will not miss this miserable hotel. The Congress Plaza should be demolished - preferably with the striking workers still under the building. We are right across from Grant Park (where Obama made his victory speech), but they didn't even give me a view. The shower randomly turns off - usually when you have soap in your eyes. They need to drill into the wall behind my headboard every morning at 8am. The strikers are fond of yelling, "Shame on you!" into your face with their bullhorn. And the heater cannot be controlled. Enough already! You get the point. If you come to Chicago, sleep on a park bench before staying here.
  

Okay, now I'm really starting to sound like an over-privileged rock star. I'm sure The Wife will have a few ideas about how to bring me back to Earth.

November BR Challenge with MHG

Despite my taunting comments on his blog, the fact is that I got my ass kicked. $10 is on the way. I can transfer the funds in FT, buy you into the next Chako home game or pay you cash either here or in Vegas.

SNG's were my downfall. If I hit one or two, I win. Unfortunately, despite a couple small cashes, I couldn't bring back the old SNG mojo.


And so, with hat in hand, I'm forced to reveal this:



It was actually a great challenge and it really forced me to focus. I still played above my allotted BR a few times, but I also played a few multi-table SNG's and it cost me. My variance was huge. In November I fluctuated from a high of $120 to a low of $31. When I was winning, my moneymaker was .25/.50 and .50/1.00 Limit Razz.

Up for a rematch?

RSNA Blog

I arrived yesterday to a snowy greeting. I love seeing snow-covered trees. We don't get that in the Seattle area.

Some quick observations about Chicago.

• People here LOVE honking their horns. I don't remember this much honking in New York, and I was just there two months ago.
• Our shuttle driver cut off a cab. The cabbie laid on his horn for a full minute
• When he finally got around us, he opened his window for what I was sure was going to be "the bird," but instead he made a very aggressive gesture with his open palm - all 5 fingers extended. It was almost as if he was saying to our driver, "If your face were closer, this hand would be pushing it, you stupid-head."
• RSNA is every bit as big as I remember, but I also remember more people. Granted, the last time I was here was 1999, but there were actually places to sit in the lectures, even if you arrived a little late. I guess the economy effects radiologists, too.
  
• RSNA, for those that don't know, is the Radiological Society of North America. Believe it or not, but it's one of the largest meetings in the world, rivaling car shows and Consumer Electronics.
  
• There are individual booths here that cost over a million dollars to set up. All for me.
  
• Radiologists are recognizable by their blue badges. If I walk into a group of vendors, they immediately single me out.
• Radiology companies, like car companies, have "booth babes."
• Radiology vendors have entertainment budgets! Unlike the old days where they could take you to a strip club (I'll tell that story in Vegas with little prompting), now they can only buy you dinner.
• Morton's Steakhouse makes one helluva 3 1/2 pound lobster.
• I've made it to every lecture and they're not half-bad.
  

I'd write more, but I'm off to another recruiting dinner.

Obligatory "What am I thankful for" Post

I'm still a little curmudgeonly, but not so much that I can't give out some thanks.

• Thanks to my kids for putting up with a (sometimes) grumpy Dad.
• Thanks to the Army. It was a good 22 years.
• Thanks to incompetent Iraqi insurgents. Despite your best efforts, I still made it home alive.
• Thanks to the Army for hiring me back as a civilian.
• Thanks to Psyllium Fiber
  
• Thanks to my little sister for taking her dog back. (We still miss Macy-moo)
• Thanks to my not-a-nun sister for finding a real guy, and giving us all a reason to gather in Florida in a few weeks
• Thanks to Nana Judy for being a great Nana to the kids. You are every bit their grandma and we love you for it.
• Thanks to my nanny. Do you really have to get married next year?
  
• Thanks to my in-laws. The quiet fortitude of life on a farm is inspiring in so many ways.
• Thanks to our Issaquah Thanksgiving Family. Deep fried turkey. 'Nuf said.
• Thanks to you, dear readers. I don't write this blog for you, but it's nice to know you're there and you care enough to occasionally leave comments. Even you, Waffles.
  
• Finally, thanks to The Wife. At least I made you cry less this year.*

Joke! (kinda). You know you're the best. I'm thankful to your parents for having the incredible foresight to have you. I'm thankful you grew up on a farm with the values that go along with that. I'm thankful you are the mother of our children. I'm thankful you are a successful business woman. And I'm thankful you put up with me.

Doldrums

Otis is grumpy. Kat is grumpy. I'm grumpy. Sheesh.

I'm blaming it on the season. Or maybe it's the economy. Perhaps the Audacity of Hope hasn't reached us yet.

Nah. That's not it. I'm actually quite bullish on the future. Sure, I think America is in trouble over the next 20 years, but that really doesn't affect me. I'll be retired by then (hopefully) and cruising down the Pacific Coast Highway in my Ferrari. Or something like that. In the mean time, I still can't shake this feeling that I'm spinning my wheels.

Since I got off Active Duty, I've gotten a huge pay raise, more time off and I have a lot less stress. My kids are doing well in school. My nanny hasn't crashed my car. Things are looking good.

On the flip side, my pants are a lot snugger. I haven't seen my wife in months (technically that's not true, but it feels pretty close), and I have this nagging feeling like everything is a little surreal. (Boy, it feels like I've written this same thing before. Sorry if this is a repeat, but it's still on my mind.)

It would be easy to say that when I was in the Army I had "purpose," and now that I'm out I've lost my way. I don't think that's it. It's more a feeling like I shouldn't be here. That part is true, actually. We thought we would have moved away from Seattle by now, but we are here until at least the summer and possibly longer. That means another winter with little sun and lots of rain (bring on Vegas!), and it also means more time spent in the doldrums.

***
On a semi-related note, I played in the finals of the league racquetball tournament last night. I went in as the 5th seed, but lost in the first round to the same guy that beat me in the last tournament. I stayed to watch the semis, and at one point, one of the players came bursting off the court in mid-match yelling and cursing about his opponent. I felt like saying, "Chill out, dude. It's just a game," but I held back. It's probably a good thing, because he looked ready to kill. He went back in the court and proceeded to trounce his opponent. You'd think he'd be in a better mood after that, no?

No.

He was still cursing about a bad call made by his now-defeated opponent. I wanted to say, "Dude. You won. Chill out." He had that helter-skelter look so I held back again.

Maybe I need to get angry at something. At least it's different from the doldrums.

Question

Is this statutory rape?*

(Or is it just a moosedemeanor?)

*Blatantly stolen from an email from our friend Junko

Conversations at Breakfast

In honor of Betty's Conversations in Montana, I give you the first installment of Conversations at Breakfast. Even though I'm out of the Army, I still work at the military hospital and eat breakfast in their dining facility.

Soldier 1: (Referring to someone he met recently) ... and he kind of looked like Carl Lewis.

Soldier 2: Carl Lewis? I know Carl Lewis! I met him and even got an autographed picture of him.

Soldier 1: Really? He was one of the best!

Soldier 2: Yeah. He was that black guy, right?

Shaving Your Goat

I'm not a vain person. If you need confirmation, just check out the pic of my tubby ass diving into the pool a few posts back. That said, when I got out of the military, I decided to try something I haven't been able to do in the last 22 years (thanks to Uncle Sam) - I grew a goatee. After small learning curve, I figured out that I liked to keep it trimmed pretty short, in sort of an upside-down egg configuration. If I let it get too long, the gray really stood out.

Everyone loved the goat, or so they told me. Everyone, that is, except The Wife. Little chiding questions here and there were quite telling. Is this a phase? Are you going to keep it forever?

When that didn't work, she started getting bolder. "You know, I had a dream last night. It was about Otis..."

All right, already! I get it.

So, amongst the many gifts I lavished on her last night, I gave her one more - I shaved it all off. It took her a second when she got in the car, but she quickly figured it out. "You shaved!"

For you, baby. All for you.

Other than the big negative reaction from my oldest son (How could you, Dad?!), I really didn't think anyone else would notice. Boy, was I wrong. I wasn't at work for 10 minutes before one of my techs asked me what happened. I told him it was for The Wife and he gave that nod that only someone who's been married for at least 10 years can understand (I think he just celebrated his 25th anniversary). Many others followed. All reactions were negative. "We really liked it!" they cried. On my way to write this post, two more people stopped me to ask about it.

So now I'm stuck. On the one side, I've got at least a dozen votes in favor, but I've only got one against.

What's a guy to do?

Happy Birthday Wife!

Well, the big one is in the books. I'll let The Wife tell you about it from her perspective. From my perspective it was as good as I planned. Thanks especially to Sis, Betty and Kat for the assist. If nothing else, your enthusiastic responses to my choice of a gift encouraged me to pull the trigger. I'm not sure I would have felt as confident without you.

Now, if you haven't already done so, go wish her a happy birthday. For those of you lucky enough to be here this Saturday for the home game, I don't think it will take too much cajoling to get her to do a little modeling. Don't worry - she'll be showing 'em off in Vegas in a few weeks.

The Need to Post

Recently, a girl I knew from my freshman year of college (was it really 1985?!) contacted me to ask about a career in radiology. At first, I thought it was a scam, but something about the email made me curious, so I responded. Turns out she's legit and has beautiful kids, including one who's getting ready to graduate from high school.

Here's the problem - she knows a few things about me. It's almost like we've talked before. Tonight she sent me an email and asked about racquetball. I played racquetball in college, but dammit, I think I've spoken with her more recently than 23 years ago. Why can't I remember?

I'm not that old, dammit! I'm 41. My mind can't be going already, can it? And this is a girl you don't soon forget, either! Get me a few drinks in Vegas (3 weeks!) and I'll tell you some stories. Of course I'll embellish a little, but I don't have to all that much in this case.

I'll leave you with this - I dated her roommate, but secretly had a crush on her. You know, classic freshman stuff. But one night...

I'll save it for Vegas.

The WPBT is Coming!

In honor of the prize for 1st bustout at the WPBT tournament, I give you these reviews of the infamous movie, Gigli (pronounced Zhee-lee, if you care):

Rarely has a movie that doesn't star Madonna achieved such a skin-crawling mixture of deluded preening and bungled humour.- Liam Lacey

[O]ne of the worst movies I've ever seen.- Richard Roeper

An overlong, joyless, and inconsequential affair, full of dead air, and possessing only a few moments of jaw-dropping bad taste. - Ty Burr

Ach. Oy. Woe and poo, bleccch and uck! ZZZZZ-zzz. - Stephen Hunter

Such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose. - Stephen Whitty

Nearly as unwatchable as it is unpronounceable. - Manohla Dargis

Birthday Party for The Wife

That's right - The Wife is celebrating the 10 anniversary of her 30th birthday. What better way to honor her than by taking her money!

What: Birthday Party/Poker Tournament
Where: Casa Chako
When: NEXT Saturday (November 22nd) at 7pm
What to Bring: Nothing but a little scratch and a smile. We'll have snacks and booze, but if there is something you like, feel free to bring your own drinks.

RSVP either here, on The Wife's blog, or via email.

See you then!

Edit: If you happened to read this blog when I first posted it, I got the date wrong. The correct date is now listed above.

Trouble Sitting - Pre-WPBT Vegas Trip Report

Yeah, I can't quite sit down since I got my ass kicked by Otis and CK at mixed games. You want to know the definition of -EV? Try playing multiple games you never heard of with friggin' pros. I was really drunk (also -EV, me thinks), but I remember 3-2-1 Omaha, Badugi, BadiCi, triple draw, Razz and a few others. 3-2-1 Omaha was ridiculous. On the river, CK announces, "Straight Flush!" it took me at least 30 seconds to find the damn hand! Still, even though I lost over 3 racks (at a damn 3/6 table no less!), I had a blast and I can't wait until next month.

Other than the mixed games at the IP, poker was good to me. Other than my losing session at the Bellagio, I only lost one other time, playing 1/2 while waiting for my seat at 2/5 PLO.

I know what you are thinking - WTF, Dr. Chako! Yeah, I had no business in that game. Here's how it went: I bought in for one rack, bled away half, got all-in. Got back to my buy in.

I did that three more times, before I got back down to $200. I wake up UTG with JJ 10 9 double suited and raise the pot. I get called in 2 places and the button raises pot. That's more than I had, so I called. Three of us see a Jack-high flop. Unbelievably, it holds up and I drag a $600 pot and walked away. I'm a lifetime winner at PLO.

Um, that was my first time playing.

Of course, I donked away nearly all of my allotted Vegas BR playing craps with my buddies. I actually won a little playing blackjack, but it all went to the craps table. I had one winning craps session - the first one. After that I hit a run of 11 seven-outs. Bye-bye BR.

Anyway, I just bought The Wife her birthday present(s). I'm actually really excited about these. She will be, too, as long as she doesn't look at the credit card statement.

Make sure you stop by and wish her a happy birthday. It's next week. And don't forget, she may be sporting some of her presents (and not much else) thanks to the damn Packers and a poorly timed (depending on your perspective) bet with Drizz.

Poor Form

Dr. Chako + (Macallan + Maker's and Diet Coke)^3 + "what the hell am I drinking now? + ATM machines = Bad Idea

After trying 2 different times to withdraw money from the ATM, my buddy Mike steps up and gets cash with no problem. We go to a different machine. I can get my balance, but no cash, despite 2 more attempts.

Hence the groggy call from The Wife this morning.

Honey, did you try to withdraw $2800 from the ATM? Wells Fargo Fraud Prevention just called...

My bad. Have you ever tried to explain to a phone rep that, no, I was just too drunk to figure out how to use the machine?

Let's hope this is the low point of an otherwise fantastic trip so far. Otis gets in today - it can only go up from here!

Vegas Update

Bullet points - deal with it.

• Winning at Blackjack, craps and 1/2NL
• Got my ass handed to me at 15/30 LHE at the Bellagio
• Seriously, why do I even go there?
• CK and F-Train are the bomb
• My buddy Josh has more gamble in him than most bloggers I know
• Seriously
• Otis should be in today and my buddy Mike is coming in as well.
  
• I got to bed at 6 am and I'm writing this post at 9:47am.
• Vegas!
  

Beware!

Beware of low flying bloggers!

President Obama Predictions

This is a blog about poker and my life, but on this momentous occasion, I feel a strange need to write a few things down. Poker stuff will resume shortly.

In no particular order, here are my thoughts:

• President Obama may go down as the best orator since Reagan. In fact, he may be better. He's got a good speech writer, and he likes being on camera. Expect to see him a lot.
• History will note that his was the first acceptance speech to mention gays. Not a prediction I guess, but a glimpse at direction and priorities.
  
• Roe v Wade is safe
• Socialism. This has been on my mind a lot lately. The most liberal president in history is taking office at a time where the government is taking over - actually BUYING - businesses and banks. However well intentioned he may be, socialism is insidious. It may not take complete control during his administration, but as government lackeys get more and more power to control business decisions, they will begin to do what they do best - seek more control. At some point, we may all look back and ask, "How did we let this happen?" The answer will be multifactorial, of course, but temporally it will all point back to this time in history.

Socialism refers to a broad set of economic theories of social organization advocating state or collective ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and the creation of an egalitarian society.

• I predict my portfolio will surge in the coming months. Well, if not surge, it should at least go back to close to where it was a few months ago. I'm not certain we would have seen the same effect with a President McCain.
• I predict that world opinion of America will improve in the Obama administration.
• I also predict that as some countries are praising the new direction America is taking, they will be scrambling to find ways to take advantage of us. It doesn't always pay to be the nice guy.
  
• I predict most of my friends will be home from Iraq by the end of Obama's first term, but we will also have a presence there throughout his administration, even if he's reelected in 4 years.
• I predict Obama will be reelected in 4 years.
  
• I predict that I will see a decrease in reimbursements in healthcare. Doctors will lose money while big business, laywers and insurance companies make out like bandits.
• Say goodbye to tort reform. Liberals LOVE pain and suffering damages. It's like winning the lottery. Hell, I've met more than a few people who secretly hope that their doctor screws something up so they can be "set for life."
  
• I predict it's a good time to be working for the government.
• Finally, I predict that it's a good time to be a poker player. Well, let me clarify. I predict that the UIGEA will be repealed. I don't think it will happen in Obama's first administration unless there is serious lobbying. Look to the beginning of his second term for the act to be repealed or significantly reformed.
  

You may now return to your lives. Enjoy the swell of American pride. Despite the fact that I preferred McCain, I too am enjoying this moment in history. It's good to be an American.

Sure is Easy...

...when you have help.


Thanks again SJ. Still, I sure do wish this came with massive prop-bet payouts. Anyone care to lay odds on how long it will take to turn this into $1000?

Running Good?

Poker has taken a (slight) turn for the better lately. While predictable, penny stakes Razz on FT is a consistent money maker. It's simple really. Raise when your highest card is an 8. Reraise if you have a 7 or better. Lead out when you are ahead (almost) every time. Fold if you catch two cards that are 9 or worse. A pair is the same as x-King.

And let the money roll in.

I played a little 3/5 spread limit last night while waiting for my 8/16 LHE seat. I won three quick pots, all with huge hands. KK, AJ and 55. All connected on the flop. The 6th hand of my night was the interesting one. I have Ad-10h in the cut-off. UTG - the table captain and a regular at 3/5 - limps UTG. There was a lot of limping at this table so it wasn't unusual. It gets to me and I pop it to $20. The button calls. Back to UTG, and he limp-raises to $45. Uh oh. I call and so does the button.

We see a flop of 9c-4c-3c. I've been much better about checking the suits of my cards pre-flop, so I know I don't have a club. I see the button check his cards. UTG doesn't flinch. Everybody checks the flop.

The turn is the 10 of spades. This is a potentially bad card for me. UTG fires $50 into the $150 pot. I hate that bet for two reasons. I get little information from it and I have to act without knowing what the button is going to do. We all have about $200 behind. I elect to call. What do you put UTG on? Would you have raised here?

Button folds (whew). The river is a horrible (and potentially expensive) card - the 10 of clubs. I now have trips, but there are 4 clubs on the board.

UTG hesistates and goes, "All-In!"

What do you do?